


This Regional Love of Mine (I'm Gonna Let It Shine)

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blowjobs, Early Days, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lots of Sex, M/M, Regional At Best Era, Rimming, Road Trip, Self-Discovery, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Van Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 18:37:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15847044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: They meet at a house party.





	This Regional Love of Mine (I'm Gonna Let It Shine)

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to Cade aka[ Regionals ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/regionals) for taking the time to edit/read over this long ass fic.
> 
> This is something I started working on in 2016, forgot about, and came back to earlier this year. I always wanted to write something that took place during Regional at Best that was longer, and thus, here it is. There's fluff, angst, and smut, so make sure you look over the tags before reading.
> 
> Also, I made a playlist dedicated to this fic because yes, I am that extra. If you have any interest in listening to the songs that helped shape this fic, you can find that right [here.](https://open.spotify.com/user/1249232734/playlist/6qTXY2Ie9eMq91u3Cpttwa?si=YarKihBMTtizV_ml7cbQCw)
> 
> I really put my heart and soul into this, so I hope you enjoy. There's a ton of things in here based on true experiences, so I hope you don't mind me dumping my problems on you in the form of fiction.

They meet at a house party.

It’s not anything special really; Tyler had just finished playing a show and Mark had invited a few people to come over. He had beer and hard lemonades and offered a good time. There were a handful of people playing beer pong in the kitchen; Tyler hears Chris shout something and the rest cheer as a result. He sighs and snaps his rubber band against his wrist.

As great as it was playing shows, (and being in a band that could actually _play_ shows,) Tyler didn’t understand why everyone always wanted to party after every gig. Nick and Chris, they loved the atmosphere parties brought, as did Mark and Michael, and because Tyler lived with them, he was forced to deal with it.

He hated parties. He didn't drink, didn't smoke, or do any other drugs, (and _somehow_ weed always ended up at those parties,) nor did he believe stuff like that was really even necessary for anyone to have a good time. Tyler was well aware of the fact that he was most likely not going to have the best time at this party. He was a pessimist. That's a fact he's always known.

“You want a beer, man?” Mark waves a can of Budweiser in front of him, as if to bribe him, and Tyler politely declines, holding back a grimace. Mark’s words are already starting to slur.

“How many have you had?”

“S’my third, I think.”

“Might wanna slow down then, bud.” He forces a tight smile. “Is there anyone else coming tonight?”

“Dunno. I think Chris invited some people. Some girls, maybe.” He grins. “Girls, Ty.”

“Yes. Girls.”

Mark hollers, raises Tyler’s declined beer towards the ceiling, and shuffles back towards the kitchen. Tyler sighs and sinks deeper into the couch cushions. Maybe he can disappear, if he tries hard enough.

The door swings open just then, and in comes a group of six people. Tyler checks his watch. It’s nearing one in the morning, and a loud sigh leaves his lips. He’s not getting any sleep tonight, is he? Good thing he doesn’t have work in the morning.

He resorts to watching the group cross the living room into the kitchen. There are three girls, all blonde and giggly; two have boys with hands on their waists. Boyfriends, Tyler assumes. The last guy to come in piques Tyler’s interesting, causing him to perk up.

Dark, curly hair falls over his forehead as he shoves his hands into his pockets. He’s got tiny white gauges in his ears and a slight blush to his cheeks. He’s pale too, Tyler notes, but that doesn’t distract from the fact that Tyler’s pretty sure he’s seen him before. (And, as an added bonus, he’s pretty dang cute too.)

Curly hair boy doesn’t continue to the kitchen with his fellow compadres, but stops at the threshold, shuts the door, and glances up at Tyler. His Adam’s Apple bobs nervously as he gestures towards the couch. “You, um, care if I sit?”

“No, go ahead.” Tyler scoots over a little, allowing him room to sit. He does.

There is silence between the two of them for almost a minute. Tyler checks the time on his phone and deletes some emails. Curly hair sniffs and runs a hand through his hair.

“So... you look like you’d rather be anywhere else but here.” Tyler raises an eyebrow as he slides his phone back into his pocket.

The guy chuckles. “Yeah. Kinda got sucked in. Chris invited me, said there was an after party or something along those lines.”

Tyler’s eyebrows furrow. “Were you at the show?”

“The Twenty One Pilots one?” A nod. “Yeah. Chris told me to come and see his band. They were pretty good.” he shrugs. “Don’t tell Chris this, but he looked bored.”

“Dude,” Tyler starts, sitting up. He’s excited now. “I’m the lead singer.”

He grins. “Dude, I know. I just wanted to see how far I could take things before you thought I was a complete idiot.” Curly hair holds his hand out towards Tyler. “My name is Josh.”

“Tyler,” he replies, shaking Josh’s hand. He has a firm handshake and a slight chill ghosts down Tyler’s spine. “That’s awesome that you were there. How do you know Chris?”

“We work together, over at Guitar Center.”

“Oh, cool.” Tyler clears his throat. “So... you liked the show?”

“Yeah, dude. You have a great voice.”

“Thank you.”

“Any time.” Josh looks at his watch. “When’s the next one?”

“Next month.” Tyler turns his head to look at Josh again. He’s got really nice teeth. “You really gonna come?”

“Yeah! You guys were great!” he smiles, and Tyler melts. “I play drums, actually. Filled in for House of Heroes while their drummer was on leave, but he’s back now. So.”

“You think that’s what you want to do with your life?”

“Play drums? Yeah, I’d like to do music. I never went to college, so it’s not like I can do much else.” he shrugs. “I’m not going to be a dentist or a doctor or anything, so whatever.”

“I’d like to do music too.” There’s a pause. Josh squints, and Tyler has no clue why.

“To be honest, I only came here tonight so I could see you again.” He’s grinning once more, and his teeth shine under the fluorescent bulbs. “I dunno what it is about you, but you light up the whole room. Plus, you’re sort of mesmerizing.”

Tyler makes a quick decision to ask him this. “Would you maybe wanna like… go to the roof with me?”

“I’d like that.”

And so they do.

 

* * *

 

By the time they finish up their conversations for the night, it’s nearly six am, and the sun is coming up. Tyler doesn’t believe it.

Talking to Josh is _so easy._ It’s like he’s known him his whole life.

And they talked about everything, from dreams and aspirations to childhood fears, to even the music they liked. And the two of them, they have so much in common.

It’s weird. It’s weird because Tyler finally feels like he has the capability to have a best friend and he’s never felt like that in his entire life. Being homeschooled never presented a lot of social options for him, and on top of that, he was probably the most awkward person he knew.

Josh’s favorite color was blue, and his favorite band was Blink-182, and he loved Mexican food and coffee and kittens and Disney movies and all Tyler could think about was how _perfect_ Josh was. He was absolutely, incredibly, undeniably perfect.

Plus, Josh struggled with social anxiety and depression just like Tyler did, and it was nice to feel like he wasn’t _alone._

“Did you ever go to college?” Josh asks as they climb back through the window into Tyler’s bedroom. He lets out a casual yawn into the crook of his arm.

“Yeah, community college. Only for a semester though. Wasn’t really my thing.” he smiles. “We talked for a really long time, didn’t we?”

“I’d say so,” Josh laughs. He runs his fingers through his hair, leaving it sticking up in a hundred different directions, and _Jesus Christ why is Tyler feeling like this._ “It was nice, though. It’s hard for me to talk to people. With you, it’s easy.”

“Agreed. We’ll have to do it again.” _Stay here, and take a nap with me._ “Let me walk you to your car.”

They pass a group dead asleep in the living room, their bodies strung across the floor and their limbs twisted together. Tyler snorts as he glances at Mark drooling on a pillow.

“I know we aren’t party people, but I hope you have more of these.” Josh stops outside his Volkswagen and leans against it. “I’ll come to all of them.”

“I’m sure Mark is going to have plenty more.” He watches Josh unlock his car. Tyler doesn’t want him to leave. “Hey, I’ll give you my phone number, we can figure something out.”

“Yeah, definitely! I work nine to five the rest of this week, but maybe we can aim for the weekend.” he fishes out his phone, and they make a trade. There are a few moments of silence as they put in their contact information.

“Well.” Tyler takes a deep breath. “Honestly, thank you. You made my night so much more bearable.”

“So did you. Kinda figured I’d be sitting on the sofa sipping a Coke all night, like some kind of loser.”

“We’ll aim for the weekend then.”

“Yes. The weekend.” And before he knows it, Josh is reaching out and pulling Tyler into a hug. “See you later.”

Tyler hugs back. Josh’s hands feel good wrapped around his waist, with his calloused fingers pressed into his hips. For a second, he wishes it could be him and Josh playing together, instead of Chris and Nick. And Tyler had nothing against them, no, they were some of his closest friends, but there was... _something_ different about Josh that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

He stands there, his eyes closed, as Josh climbs into his car and drives away.

 

* * *

 

Tyler’s entire life falls apart over the next three months. Nick and Chris tell him they have to leave the band. It’s not at the same time, but it’s one hit right after the other.

“This was fun while it lasted Tyler, it really was,” Chris has his hand on Tyler’s shoulder, his eyes cast to the ground, because this is so _damn hard_ for him to do, “but we have to think about getting jobs that can support families. When I’m married and have kids, I can’t rely on hoping we get gigs. I need to know I can bring home income for them.”

Tyler has tears in his eyes. “I get it, man.”

“You are so talented, Tyler,” Nick tells him, “and I know you’re going to go so far in life. I don’t have the passion this band needs to succeed. You’re so sure this is going to work out, and I’m so sorry, but I don’t feel the same way.”

“It was a long shot,” he spits through a clenched jaw. Tyler has no clue what he’s going to do now.

He gets into a fight with his parents. Tyler’s over there, eating dinner with his family, with forks scraping against plates, when his mother says, “So, the band thing’s not working out well, is it?”

Tyler’s hand clenches around his fork. “Things are fine.”

“But you’re all alone now,” Zack mumbles under his breath. Tyler knows he doesn’t mean it in a rude way, but it’s yet another stab through Tyler’s heart. He knows he’s all alone. He knows how screwed he is. He knows he’s not going to be able to do this on his own, that his life is falling apart.

“Bet you wish you accepted that full ride now, huh?” His mother sips her tea, and Tyler pushes out of his chair. Ten pairs of eyes look back at him.

He bites his tongue, because he loves his parents, but he knows they will never understand. And so, he lets his fork clatter onto his plate and leaves.

He feels sick to his stomach as he clambers into his car. Tears burn at the corners of his eyes because he knows his parents are right. He knows this music thing was a long shot. He knew that from the start. Now he’s lost his friends, he’s lost his family-- he’s lost everything.

Tyler rests his head on the steering wheel and lets himself cry. He knows his depression has been coming back. He knows because there’s a pit in his stomach and his mind burns with terrible thoughts. Words spill out onto paper. He’s filled pages and pages of his journal this week.

He thinks of Josh. He knows Josh plays drums, but he can’t find the strength to call him. They’ve only hung out a couple times, they don’t know each other that well, for Tyler to drop all this stuff on him would be wrong, right? Right?

The porch light turns on. His father steps out, his hand still on the screen door, and they share a look.

 _Come inside,_ his father mouths. Tyler starts his car and drives away.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t leave his car when he pulls into his own driveway. Tyler taps his fingers on his steering wheel and sniffs. The lights are on inside; Tyler thinks that’s Mark watching television.

Maybe he’ll go back to college and get some stupid degree. He has no clue what else he could even do with his life. The only appealing thing to him is music.

Tyler _has_ to do music.

His phone starts ringing. Tyler ignores it. He wants to be alone, let him be _alone--_

Tyler gives in. He glances over at his console and sees Josh’s smiling face. Immediately he grabs it and accepts the call, letting it balance on his knee.

“Hey,” his voice cracks and Tyler hopes Josh can’t tell he’s been crying.

“Tyler, I fucked up.”

This is the first time Tyler has ever heard Josh curse. His eyes widen and he pulls his phone closer. “What’s wrong?”

“Shit,” there’s a muffle on his end, “Are you home? I know you went to your parents' house--”

“I’m home now. Josh, what happened?” He hears the sound of a car door opening, slamming shut. The car roars to life.

“I really fucked up, dude. I’ll be there in like, five minutes. I’m at the gas station just around the corner.” Tyler thinks he hears police sirens. “Shit.”

“Do you, stay on the line with me,” Tyler climbs out of his car and jogs down to the end of his driveway. “Are you hurt?”

Josh doesn’t say anything. Tyler taps his foot as he scans for the headlights of Josh’s Volkswagen. “Josh, please, talk to me.”

There are the headlights. Josh doesn’t even pull into the paved driveway; his tires roll into the lawn as he pushes himself out, his hand over his nose, blood gushing through his fingers. His white shirt is stained with red and Tyler actually shouts.

“Oh my God,” he rushes to Josh’s side and wraps an arm around his waist, “come on, let’s get you inside.”

Mark stands up from the couch when Tyler throws the door open. “Josh? Holy shit!”

“Can you get the first aid kit?”

“Of course.” Mark disappears down the hallway. Josh sinks into a chair at the kitchen table and closes his eyes. He reaches for Tyler’s hand and squeezes.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” he lets go and wipes his blood on his shirt. Tyler wets a paper towel and gently begins patting the blood off his skin. Josh flinches a little.

“Here’s the kit, Ty,” Mark says as he sets it down. Tyler nods his thanks, and Mark gives them their privacy. Both are thankful.

They are quiet for the first few moments, the only noise coming from whatever Rom-Com Mark is currently watching. Josh hasn’t opened his eyes yet, but he keeps grimacing every time Tyler gets closer to his nose. It’s probably broken, he concludes. Josh has a black eye too, and it’s swelling.

“I think you broke your nose,” whispers Tyler. He leans back and tosses the paper towel into the trash. “I mean, we could go to the hospital to get it set, but it won’t feel good.”

“I don’t have money for that,” Josh retaliates. “It’ll be fine. Thank you. You were the only person I could think of to come to.”

“What happened?”

Josh sighs. “This guy, at the gas station. He recognized me from high school. I think he might have been a little buzzed, he was with his sister or girlfriend or someone--” he bites his tongue as another wave of pain settles over him. “Sorry. He just, started saying shit, and I was getting pissed, so I charged him, and next thing I know my nose is on fire and I’m falling back onto the concrete. People started yelling, and I fled. I didn’t know what else to do.” he hisses. “Shit. It hurts so bad.”

“Can you stay here for the night? I mean, do you have to work, or anything?”

“No. I have tomorrow off.”

“Here, let me put a bandage on it.” Tyler’s fingers are nimble and gentle against Josh’s bruising skin. When he’s finished, he steps back and crosses his arms.

“Do I look tough?”

“Definitely.”

Josh chuckles a little. “Let me go move my car. Half of it is on your lawn and I’m pretty sure it’s still running.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Mark shouts from the living room. The front door slams shut.

Tyler eyes Josh with worry still on his face. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. Promise. I really appreciate you doing this for me. And letting me stay.”

“I’d do anything for you.” He points behind him. “I have some pajamas you can borrow. I can lay out some clean sheets on my bed too, you can sleep there--”

Josh grabs his wrist. “Tyler, it’s fine. I’m your friend, not your in-laws. Besides,” he shrugs, “I’m sure your sheets smell like you, and you smell good.”

Tyler blushes. “I’ll uhm, go get you a change of clothes.”

Josh nods, and Tyler disappears down the hallway. It’s only him and Mark at the moment; the rest of his roommates are out doing God knows what. Tyler doesn’t care.

He reaches for his cleanest pair of sweatpants and a grey t-shirt he got at a 5k he was forced to participate in. Tyler grabs an unopened toothbrush from the bathroom and ventures back into the kitchen, where Mark has joined Josh in the kitchen.

“Tyler, you want some hot chocolate?”

“I’m good.” he hands Josh the items. “You can change and brush your teeth, or whatever.”

“Thank you.” Josh stands up, tells Mark he’ll be back for his drink, and disappears behind the bathroom door. Mark currently has his back to Tyler as he puts two mugs of milk into the microwave.

“You sat in your car for an hour,” his voice is hushed, “Are you okay?”

“Got into an argument with my parents.”

Mark turns back around. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No. I’ll be okay.” Tyler forces a smile, although he knows he won’t be okay. Mark knows about the band, because Nick no longer lives here, and Chris no longer comes over, and they no longer have their parties because Tyler can’t do this by himself. He already had to cancel one show, and he hasn’t bothered to find any other gigs.

Mark’s hand curls around Tyler’s shoulder. “Please don’t give up,” he whispers. “I know things seem bad now, but you can’t give up. This is your _dream,_ Tyler.”

Tyler pulls away. “Maybe my dream was a long shot.” he shakes his head with tears burning his throat. “I’ll be in my bedroom. Tell Josh that's where he can find me.”

Mark watches Tyler leave the kitchen, his jaw clenched, because he wants to say so much more. Tyler knows he wants to say more, because that’s just how Mark is. He’s comforting in times of need, and kind and caring, but Tyler knows what Mark will say. _It’s okay. Keep trying. You have this._

But he doesn’t. Not right now.

He pulls open his top drawer to grab some pajamas of his own when he spots the small box full of his darkest secrets shoved into the corner. Next to it is a pen and a hardbound notebook, and Tyler has to stop himself. He rests his head against the dresser and wills himself to take a few deep breaths.

No, he can never go back to doing that. His razors are going to stay locked in that box, away from his skin, from his _scars--_

“Tyler? You in here?” the door creaks open, and Tyler jumps away from his dresser. Josh’s eyes widen. “Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

Tyler clears his throat. “It’s fine. I was just grabbing clothes.” Things feel awkward between the two of them, and Tyler doesn’t know why. They were getting along so well, every time they hung out and talked about their lives. Maybe it’s because as of now, they still have secrets.

Josh rubs his neck. “I feel like we have some stuff we need to talk about.”

“Yeah,” Tyler agrees. Getting stuff off his chest does sound good. “I’ll change and be right back.”

“Sounds good.” he sits down on the edge of the bed and looks at the ceiling to wait.

 

* * *

 

Five minutes later, the two of them lay in Tyler’s bed, the blankets up to their chin, as they watch the ceiling fan slowly rotate. The only light comes from the bedside lamp, which casts dark, bouncing shadows against the walls.

“Should I go first?” Josh asks.

“If you want to.”

He turns towards Tyler and leans on his elbow. “This guy, he used to bully me in high school. He’d always call me a fag and emo and stuff. Which, it really didn’t bother me much back then, but the fact that he saw me and immediately started doing that shit again, _that_ did bother me. Because how shitty of a person do you have to be to still bully a guy you haven’t seen in years? Is he that ignorant to the world around him?” Josh sighs. “And here’s the thing. Not many people know this about me, but I’m bi. And, well, I don’t know. I guess his words really got to me, and the next thing I know I’m swinging a fist at him. I didn’t get very far, obviously.” he gestures to his bruises and huffs once more.

Tyler blinks. “You, you’re bi? Like, bisexual?”

Josh nods, almost nervously. “Yeah.”

“And you trust me with that?”

“Of course, dude. You’re really important to me. You’re like, a breath of fresh air in a polluted city of bigots.”

Tyler chuckles. “Thanks, man, that really means a lot. And it doesn’t bother me, if you were worried about that. I don’t judge.”

“Good. Now, what about you?”

He rolls over. “Nick and Chris quit the band.”

Josh’s face softens. “Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“I had a cancel a gig. It wasn’t anything big, just some rundown bar up in Michigan. It’s just frustrating, I guess. This whole music thing. My parents think I’m an idiot for turning down that scholarship to Otterbein. And this is basically how they’re throwing it in my face.”

“You can’t give up on music. Your band is incredible.”

“There isn’t a band anymore.” Tyler rolls back over and goes back to watching the fan. He hears Josh shift next to him. “Would you...” He has no clue what he’s doing. He can’t ask Josh to give up his job and his life for the good of the band. Maybe it’s time for him to move on. “Never mind.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’m sure.”

“Why does life have to be so crappy?”

Tyler wonders that too. He doesn’t respond right away, because he’s too busy thinking about how he could escape his shitty life.

“Josh, will you run away with me?” Tyler sits up quickly and bunches the comforter in his hands. He then realizes how stupid that just sounded.

“What?” Josh quirks up an eyebrow.

“I know how stupid it sounds, but we could, like, get in my truck, and drive away. We could _go_ somewhere and not have to worry about our friends or our families or our responsibilities. I mean, it wouldn’t have to be forever, we could come back, I just need some sort of _release.”_

“Tyler--”

“I have money in a savings account we could use, money I had saved up for college originally. There’s definitely a couple thousand. And my truck has a roof over the bed, we could stuff my mattress in there, and some blankets, and save money on hotels.” he taps his chin with his fingers. “Well crap, you have to work...”

“Tyler.”

“Never mind. Forget I even brought this up. I’m an idiot.”

“Tyler!” Josh grabs his shoulder. “I would love to run away with you.”

He waits for more, for Josh to say something like “I’d love to, but I have a job,” or “I’d love to, but that’s not possible.” But Josh doesn’t say more. He’s waiting for Tyler to say something, so Tyler does.

“Wait, really?”

“Yes, really.”

“What about your job?”

A shrug. “I was sorta planning on quitting anyway. This could be good for the both of us. A cathartic cleansing, of some sorts.”

“When do you want to leave?”

“We could do it tonight,” Josh says softly. “Or early in the morning. I’ll leave my parents a note.”

“I’ll tell mine not to call,” Tyler murmurs. “Do you need to go home and pack now?”

“I mean, we could do that tomorrow morning. Let’s wake up around five or something.”

“Yeah, okay. You could leave to go pack; I’ll pack here, and go pick you up at your place.”

“That sounds good. I’ll set an alarm for five. Where do you wanna go first?”

“Let’s just head towards the west coast and stop wherever along the way.”

“Like a road trip?”

“Like a road trip.”

Josh smiles. “That sounds great.”

“I have a map stuffed somewhere in my car. We can figure out what we wanna do first tomorrow and go for there.” Tyler pulls the comforter tighter around his shoulders and yawns. “G’night, Josh.”

“Goodnight, Tyler.”

 

* * *

 

It takes Tyler everything he has not to close his eyes and go back to sleep when Josh’s alarm goes off. He grumbles into his pillow when the bed creaks as Josh shifts off of it and slides his shoes on.

“See you in a bit,” he whispers, and the door closes gently. Tyler lays in bed for a few more minutes, wondering if this is a good idea at all, wondering if running away from his problems makes him a coward. He sighs.

On the plus side, if Josh is willing to run away with him, maybe he’d be willing to join the band.

Tyler grunts and forces himself to climb out from the warmth of his covers. He pulls out the large duffle bag he usually uses for travel and stuffs as many clothes as he can into it. He’s not sure how long the two of them will be gone, so he wants to be prepared. He grabs his stuff out of the bathroom--razors, shaving cream, shampoo and conditioner, a towel and a washcloth--and wanders to the kitchen to write Mark his note.

 _I’m leaving,_ he writes, his hand shaking, _not forever, but long enough for me to sort some stuff out. If I’m gone longer than a month I’ll send rent. If you could tell my parents I’m fine, that’d be really swell. Oh, and please tell them not to call. I don’t want to talk to them._

Tyler takes a deep breath and exhales through his nose.

_I’ll let you know where I am, but please don’t text me back. It’s nothing against you, I just need some time to figure out who I am and what I’m going to do with my life without any distractions or people trying to convince me otherwise._

_Love, Tyler_

After he reads through it a couple of times and concludes that it’s good enough for him, Tyler does one last sweep of the house to make sure he has everything he needs. He stops outside of Mark’s bedroom door and presses his hand against it.

“Please don’t be mad at me,” he whispers, and with that, he heads towards his truck. His bags get tossed in the backseat, he puts a cd in, and with one last look at the sagging house, he takes off for Josh’s.

Josh still lives with his parents, so when Tyler rolls up to the Dun house, all the lights are off. Tyler shoots Josh a quick text and strains his eyes for the familiar brunette. A minute passes, and, _bingo._ Josh practically skips to the side of Tyler’s truck as he tosses his bags into the back and slides into the passenger seat.

“You left a note?” questions Tyler. Josh nods.

“I figure they’ll be upset, but I’m twenty-two, so how mad are they really going to be? I’m an adult. They can’t tell me what to do anymore.” he rolls his shoulders back, and under the hazy light from the truck Tyler can see his bruises shimmer a little. His nose is still very swollen, and crooked now from the break. It doesn’t make him any less beautiful. “Anyway,” Josh continues, snapping Tyler out of his daze, “you still have that map?”

“Uh, yeah. Here.” he pulls it from his door and shoves it Josh’s way. Tyler watches Josh’s house nervously as Josh reads, waiting for lights to turn on, for Josh’s parents to start yelling at him for being irresponsible.

“Let’s go to Nashville first. That’s only going to take us like six hours tops, and I’ve always wanted to go there.”

“Big country fan?” Tyler teases as he puts his truck into drive and takes off. It’s nearing six and the sun is starting to rise.

“Eww. As if.” Josh rolls his eyes. “There’s a lot of music history there, is all. I think it’d be fun.”

“Agreed. Set my GPS up, will you?” Josh complies, and Tyler focuses on turning out of his neighborhood. He heads south, for I-71.

“Think I did it,” Josh mumbles, pointing to the road lit up in blue. The GPS chimes.

“Good. You can pick music too, if you’d like. I put on some mixtape Mark made me.” They’re currently listening to some Michael Jackson song and Josh smiles big.

“Is Michael Jackson not good enough for you?”

“Whatever,” Tyler shrugs.

Josh reaches for a Foreigner cd. “Think we’ll stay with the eighties kick. I’m feeling it.”

“Then I’m picking next, you dork.”

He laughs; it’s light and gentle and _angelic._ Tyler doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to get over how perfect Josh is.

“Sounds good to me.” Their conversation fades out as the music starts. Josh closes his eyes and sinks back into the seat. Tyler knows he should be looking at the road, because he’s driving, but he can’t help but glance over at Josh’s relaxed form. There’s something kinda mesmerizing about him that Tyler really can’t put his finger on.

The sun is almost fully in the sky by the time they get to the interstate. Tyler turns his AC off and shifts in his own seat. Josh still has his eyes closed so Tyler assumes he’s still asleep. Which is fine, don’t get him wrong. Tyler is more than sure Josh is just as exhausted as he is.

“You wanna know what would have been a good idea?” Josh almost reads Tyler’s mind, and the sudden change in silence causes Tyler to jump a little. “If we stopped at a gas station, or something, and got coffee. Because I’m going to fall asleep on you, and that’s kind of a dick move.”

“Guess what,” Tyler replies. Josh sits up, eyeing him suspiciously.

“What?”

“I don’t like coffee.”

Josh gasps, one of his palms fluttering over his heart in mock offense. “What the hell, man!”

“I’m sorry! It’s just, it’s so gross! It’s basically just dirt water!”

“Then you put cream and sugar into it!”

“It still tastes like dirt water!” Tyler grins. Josh scoffs.

“I can’t believe you. We aren’t friends anymore.”

“Then we maybe should have had this conversation before I started driving towards Kentucky, because you aren’t getting out of this car any time soon.” he gestures towards the other cars on the interstate. “Maybe you can catch a ride from someone else.”

Josh nudges him playfully and rolls his eyes. “You like Redbull though, so I guess we can still be friends.”

“I’ll stop at the next exit and we can go get some dirt water and Redbull.”

“Fantastic.” Josh turns up the radio, and their conversation ends there.

 

* * *

 

At the gas station, Tyler stocks up on Redbulls and Yoo-Hoos, as well as a few bags of chips and some other assorted snacks. He sets them under the center console and watches Josh blow on his coffee. His hands curl around the edges of the cup and he takes a long, satisfying sip.

“Yeah. That’s good.”

“You’re gross.” Tyler huffs. “Redbull me.” Josh does. Tyler pops the tab, takes a long swig, and starts his truck. _“That’s_ good, not your gross dirt water.”

“I’ll fight you,” Josh starts, grinning, as Tyler pulls out of the gas station. “Coffee is the greatest thing known to man. There’s a reason we threw all the tea overboard, you know.”

“I’m pretty sure that was for our freedom, not so we could drink coffee.”

“To each their own,” says Josh. He takes another long sip. “By the way, I brought an air mattress. I don’t know where we can blow it up, but I’m sure we can find a place.”

“We can buy an air pump from Walmart.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Josh continues sipping his coffee slowly as their conversation comes to an end and is once more replaced with the low hum of Foreigner.

 

* * *

 

The farther away they get from Columbus, the more anxious Tyler becomes. There’s a part of him that fears that this will make things worse between him and his family, that this will ruin his chances at making his dream a reality, that something terrible will happen. Josh is asleep next to him, and Tyler turned the radio off so it wouldn’t bother him. Unfortunately, that left him with only his thoughts to occupy him and he’s not doing too well.

It starts raining after three hours of driving. They’re still in Ohio, and Tyler feels like throwing up. He gets off at the next exit and pulls into a gas station, his grip tight on the steering wheel as he tries to calm himself down. He can’t do this. He needs to turn around and go home. He needs to apologize to Mark, to his family, he needs to be reasonable and go get a degree. He needs to get a decent job that can support a family. What was he thinking, trying to start a band? His parents were right. He shouldn’t have given up that scholarship.

Tyler doesn’t even realize he’s started crying until Josh points it out. Tyler didn’t even realize Josh was awake until he spoke.

“Tyler? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this,” he whispers, shutting the truck off. Tyler slumps down in his seat and pushes his fingers into his eyes. “This trip thing was so stupid. I can’t just _run away--”_

“Hey, shh,” Josh reaches out for Tyler’s hands and pulls them away from his face. He’s gentle; Tyler can feel the calluses on his fingertips. “Let’s start from the beginning. Tell me what you’re feeling.”

“My parents never shut up about me turning down that scholarship.” Tyler takes a deep breath and turns his gaze towards Josh’s grip on his hands. “Nick and Chris leaving the band, this was just more fuel to the fire, you know?”

“Mmhmm,” Josh nods.

“And I can’t stop thinking about it. They never wanted me to do this band thing. From the start, they told me how much of a risk I was taking. And I was okay with that, because I knew this was what I wanted to do with my life. But now? I’m running away so I don’t have to face the fact that my dream fell apart. I don’t have a band anymore. There’s nobody but me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I can even do the whole band thing anymore. I’m honestly debating about going back to college to get a degree so I can have a stable job, or something. I mean, that’s what Chris said, that he can’t rely on getting gigs, he needs to know he’ll be able to get money. I mean, I have that job at the Newport, maybe I can call and--” Realization hits Tyler like a stack of bricks. He was supposed to work tomorrow and now he’s going on an impromptu trip-- no, he’s _running away._ “I was supposed to work tomorrow. We have to go back, what am I going to do?” Tyler starts hyperventilating. He feels stupid for thinking he could just _leave._

“Tyler,” Josh says softly, “here’s what we’re going to do, okay? Today, you’re going to pretend that you chose to go back to college. We pretend that this trip was planned and it’s nothing more than a getaway and when we get back, you go back to school. You think you can do that?” Tyler nods, and Josh continues. “Tomorrow, you pretend that you chose the band. You pretend that nothing is going to go wrong and that this trip is a little tour and we’re going around the United States to play shows.”

Tyler sighs again. He appreciates Josh’s positivity, but that leaves him with so many feelings. “What about--”

Josh interrupts him. “Ty, you will never be able to get anything done if you constantly worry about what other people think about you. If you let your parents, your _friends,_ influence your decisions, you’ll never do what _you_ want. And here’s the thing. If you decide to keep this band thing rolling, there are going to be a lot of people who don’t like your style of music, and you gotta realize that it’s _okay._ If you spend all your time worrying about the people who don’t like you, it’ll make things harder for those who do. So you pretend, just like I told you, and figure out which feels better. As for your job, tell them it’s an emergency.”

“Or quit,” Tyler mumbles. He pulls away from Josh’s hands. “Thank you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, man. Now, you’ve been driving for what, three hours? It’s my turn to drive now.”

“You sure?”

“Dead sure. Come on, up and at ‘em. Make yourself comfy in the passenger seat, catch some z’s, and when you wake up, you can call your work and make your decision.”

“I never really wanted to work at the Newport my whole life,” Tyler admits.

“One day you’ll be playing it instead,” Josh replies, grinning. “Except, oh wait. Today’s the day you didn’t choose music, right? So... maybe you own the Newport or something.”

Tyler snorts. “Yeah. As if.”

“We’ll work on positivity next time.” Josh unbuckles and pushes open the passenger side door. “I’m gonna go get myself another dirt water, you want anything?”

Tyler peers over the console where several Redbulls still remain. “Nah, I’m good.”

“Sick. You better have moved over by the time I come back or I’ll fight you.”

He raises his hands in mock defense as Josh finishes climbing out of the truck. “Okay, okay!” One grin later, Tyler watches Josh shuffle into the gas station and takes another deep breath.

He’s so happy he met Josh.

 

* * *

 

Tyler sleeps for about an hour. When he wakes up, it’s nearing ten o’clock, and Josh tells him they’re in Kentucky.

“Have we changed time zones yet?” he asks as he rubs his eyes. Josh looks at his phone.

“I don’t think so. Not until we cross into Tennessee.”

“Cool.” Josh is still listening to Foreigner. Tyler is pretty sure the cd is repeating now. “Are you gonna listen to this album the whole way there?”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I was planning on doing.” he grins and removes one hand off the wheel to dig through Tyler’s cd collection. _“Sam’s Town,_ huh?”

Tyler blushes and pulls it out of the pile. The case is chipped and cracked and shows lots of wear and tear. “This album made me want to become a musician.”

“Did it now?” Josh quirks up an eyebrow. “I thought you went back to college though.”

Oh yeah, he was supposed to be pretending, wasn’t he? Tyler clears his throat. “Right, right. That was before.”

“Of course,” Josh nods. “What are you looking into?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Well, what are some things you like besides music? Reasonable things, since today’s that kind of day.”

Tyler shrugs. “History and English are okay. I never was a fan of math or science.”

“You could major in journalism, or look into publishing your poetry or something.”

“I could.” he looks down at the album in his hand. Seeing this band all those years ago had sparked something in him, something that had made him want to be up there on that stage and do exactly _that._ He seemed to think that tomorrow’s feelings would be a lot better than today’s. “I’m going to quit my job.”

“You wanna listen to _Sam’s Town?”_ asks Josh, looking over at Tyler, who still has the album clutched in his hands.

Tyler swallows loudly. “Yeah.” he exchanges Foreigner for The Killers and returns it to the pile. With the radio on a low hum, Tyler fishes his phone from his pocket, stares at it for a few seconds, and clicks on his work’s number. He’s doing this. He’s really doing this.

Josh is quiet while Tyler is on the phone. He looks ahead, changing lanes as he needs to on the wide highway. Tyler holds his phone tightly and ignores his shaking hands. He says “yes” a lot and apologizes lots of times. There’s a part of him that feels terrible about quitting, but another part of him feels like it’s a step in the right direction, despite the fact that he’s supposed to be pretending he didn’t choose music today.

Tyler hates that feeling.

“Hey, kid,” his boss says right before Tyler hangs up.

“What?” his stomach clenches and he ignores the look Josh gives him.

“I’m gonna see you up on that stage one day, and I’m going to tell all my employees that I know how great of a person you are. Understand?”

Tyler smiles. “I understand, sir.”

“You are bold and fearless in the risks you take. I wish you luck in life.”

The phone call ends. Tyler tucks his phone underneath his thigh and looks over at Josh.

“Everything okay?”

His grin grows wider. “Let’s go to Nashville.”

 

* * *

 

The first phone call arrives five minutes after they’ve crossed into Tennessee. Tyler looks at the caller ID; It’s Mark. Of course it’s Mark. He wouldn’t listen to Tyler’s specific instructions even if Tyler was on his deathbed.

“Who is it?” asks Josh. His eyes wander off the road to Tyler’s ringing phone.

“Mark.”

“Are you gonna answer it?”

“Should I?” Tyler sticks his knuckle in his mouth and lets his finger hover over the “answer call” button. Mark deserved at least one phone call, right?

“I would. Just this once.”

That settles it. Tyler answers and puts it on speaker. “Hey.”

“TYLER JOSEPH, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?” Neither of them had realized how powerful Mark’s voice could be. The two of them share a look.

“Depends on what you think I’m thinking,” is Tyler’s reply.

“You can’t just _run away._ What about your job?”

“I quit.”

“You quit. You fucking _quit?_ And where’s Josh?”

“Here,” Josh says. Mark groans in frustration.

“You roped him into this?”

“I am here voluntarily, thanks. We know what we’re doing.”

“And what exactly are you doing? I wake up this morning to find the house is completely empty except for a goddamn _note--”_

“Where was other Josh?” Tyler asks.

“Not here! Dude, you can’t just leave! What about--”

“I told you I’d be back. This isn’t permanent. Josh and I are going on a road trip, is all. We’re trying to clear our heads.”

Mark takes a deep breath. “Okay. Okay, I get it. But what am I supposed to tell your parents?”

“Did you even read the note?”

“Yes, I read the note. Where are you guys now?”

“Tennessee,” Josh calls out. “We’re going to Nashville.”

“Nashville,” Mark repeats. Tyler pictures him running his hands nervously through his hair. Mark tended to freak out over small things quite a bit. “So your plan is to ignore everyone?”

“We’re adults, dude. We know what we’re doing, and we’ll be fine. Besides, if we ever went on tour, this is what we’d be doing, you know?”

Another huff. “Right. Yeah. That’s the end goal.”

“Possibly.” Tyler moves his feet to rest on the dashboard and sinks lower in his seat. “Okay, well, I’ll let you know when we leave Nashville. If my parents try to get ahold of you, tell them I’m safe, okay?”

“Are they the reason why you’re doing this? Does this have anything to do with what happened last night?” Tyler knows Mark is referring to the fact that he sat in his car crying for an hour. Hopefully, Josh thinks it’s what happened to him instead.

“No. Talk to you later, Mark.” Tyler hangs up the phone. He tucks it back under his thigh and sighs loudly as he turns to look at the window.

“So, music city,” Josh says, his attention back on the road. It’s stopped raining, but the sky is a murky grey and a low fog settles around them. “I guess the first thing we should do is go get an air pump from Walmart, huh?”

Tyler turns back around to face him. His broken nose looks even more swollen and Tyler is more than certain that can’t feel too good. “We can get some other stuff from Walmart too. Pain medication and all that stuff.”

Josh’s hand hovers over his nose for a couple seconds before it returns to the wheel. “Right.”

“Is it still hurting?”

“Yeah. What really sucks is the fact that I’ll have a crooked nose the rest of my life.”

“I think that’s cool. Shows people you are a force to be reckoned with.”

“Y’think so?”

“Yeah, definitely. It gives you a bad boy vibe, especially with your gauges and stuff.”

“You know, I have been thinking about getting my nose pierced. Not right now, obviously, because it’s really broken, but soon.”

“I’d think that would be flattering on you.”

Josh nods fondly. “Thank you.”

Tyler continues to study him. The skin is swollen around his black eye too; it’s red and blue and purple and looks like a galaxy, with his freckles acting as the stars. His hair curls and drapes across his forehead and it takes Tyler everything he has not to reach out and push the loose strand behind his ear. A part of him wonders if he could ever talk to Josh about his sexuality. Josh was so open with him; maybe it wouldn’t be that hard.

“Okay, so yeah.” Tyler clears his throat. “Walmart first.”

 

* * *

 

Their cart ends up with about six more items than they were planning on and still no air pump. Josh had dropped three packages of Oreos--double stuf, birthday cake, and peanut butter--into the cart with the promise that he’d be paying. He then added several ice coffees and a box of Little Debbie brownies.

“You do realize we have like two whole bags of junk food in the truck, right?” Tyler grins as he places a first aid kit into the cart along with a couple containers of Ibuprofen. He’s almost certain there will be stuff in that first aid kit to make Josh feel better about his injuries.

Josh scoffs. “You can never have enough junk food. Besides, I’m paying for all this junk anyway so it’s fine.”

Tyler holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Hey man, whatever floats your boat.”

Josh continues to glare playfully at him as he takes the cart from Tyler and pushes it towards the self-checkout line. “You ready to go?”

“I think you’re forgetting the one thing we came here for,” says Tyler as he turns the cart the other way.

“Oh, yeah. Air pump. Forgot about that.”

“Mmhmm,” Tyler keeps stealing glances as they walk down the aisle. He’s thankful more and more with each passing second that Josh is here to keep him sane.

“Here’s one.” Josh grabs the first air pump he sees off the shelf and tosses it into the cart. “We good to go?”

“I think so. Let’s go pump this baby up and do some exploring.”

“Sounds like a plan.” With a grin, Josh once again leads the way to the self-checkout lanes.

 

* * *

 

Josh sits on the back end of the truck, his legs swinging back and forth as Tyler applies some kind of numbing medication on his broken nose. His fingers are gentle on Josh’s bruises as he sticks on a bandage.

“Do I look tough?” he questions teasingly. Tyler nods, secretly wondering how many times Josh was going to ask that question.

“We should have bought the Ninja Turtles band-aids. Those would have made you look even tougher.”

“Shoot. Next time then.” Josh leans over to dig around for one of the ice coffees he bought and cautiously presses it to his nose. He lets out a hiss of pain before settling comfortably.

“I guess ice would have been a good idea, huh?”

“This is fine,” Josh promises, gesturing to his cold coffee bottle. “We can get ice later. We’re taking things as they come, you know.”

“Right, right. So now the question is, do we blow this air mattress up now, or do we late until later?”

Josh stuffs his coffee back into the Walmart bag and hops down off the bed of the truck. “Let’s do it later. We have some exploring to do! We’re in Nashville, dude, Music City! Let’s go visit a museum or something.”

Tyler quirks up an eyebrow. “What, the country music hall of fame?”

“Bleh, absolutely not. Let’s just park and walk around the city.”

“Okay, sure.” Tyler helps him close up the back of the truck and climbs back into the passenger seat (per Josh’s request of wanting to drive.) Tyler still stares at him as Josh starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot.

“I’ll get the GPS going, it looks like we have another half an hour before we pass into city limits.” He looks over at Tyler and cocks his head. “What?”

“Nothing,” Tyler says. He turns back around to look at out the window.

 

* * *

 

They spend the evening walking around downtown. The weather is nice; there’s a slight breeze and the streets are decorated in bright yellow lights. Tyler is pretty sure they’ve discovered main street, because everything is cobbled and old fashioned and absolutely stunning. Live music booms from bars and pubs. Tipsy couples spill onto the streets in flannels and cowboy hats and Tyler watches in wonderment as they pass a hoedown and begin to hear rock music instead.

“You know, this is where Elvis recorded a ton of his songs,” Josh spoke up, his eyes lit up just as bright as Tyler’s. “Johnny Cash, too.”

“I did know that, actually. This is a pretty extraordinary place.”

“Here, let’s go for a drink.” Josh grabs ahold of Tyler’s hand and it takes him off guard, causing his already pink cheeks to darken. He tries not to think about the fact that Josh is full on _holding his hand_ as they walk into a pub with a live rock band playing. Well, sort of rock; it's more of a mix of rock and country, which is pretty alright sounding. They're out on the patio, dancing all around as somewhat drunk couples dance around them.

“Hey bartender,” Josh calls out, grinning ear to ear as he flashes Tyler a look, “can I get a beer?”

“Sure thing,” a gruff voice answers. The man turns around and continues to wipe his hands on an old dishrag. “Anything for you?”

“Just a coke, please,” Tyler responds meekly, his blush deepening even further.

Josh looks at him again. “What, no alcohol? Not even for one night?”

“Not a big drinker,” Tyler shrugs, “never really have been.”

The bartender slaps their drinks down on the counter with a grunt. “There you go.”

“Thanks,” Josh replies without looking up, his gaze still on Tyler. He reaches for his glass and slightly tilts his head. “Really? No alcohol at all?”

“Nope.”

“Huh.” Josh nods. “Well, that’s fine.”

The bartender puts down another glass for Josh and huffs again. “That round is on me. I figured you might need it. Y’know, because of the...” he trails off, one finger pointing towards his own nose. Josh scoffs.

“Yeah, man, thanks.”

A weird awkwardness fills the air. Tyler wonders if it’s because he doesn’t drink. He wonders if Josh will keep pressuring him until he has to blurt out the real reason why he doesn’t drink. _I don’t trust myself around alcohol. I’m afraid I’ll get addicted and do something terrible._

Tyler doesn’t really want that to happen. He’s sure Josh will think he’s some kind of freak if that happens, and so he keeps his mouth shut and sips his coke. It’s got kind of a weird flavor. The syrup to water ratio must be off.

“How’s your coke?” Josh asks.

“The syrup to water ratio is a little off,” Tyler says.

“Wanna dance?”

Tyler blinks at him. “What?”

Josh quickly finishes his first round and goes in for the second. He doesn’t stop until he’s finished and then lets out a quiet burp. Tyler half-smiles. “I asked if you wanted to dance. The music is good, the lighting is right, and everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves. Besides, that’s what we’re here for, right? We’re celebrating you going back to school.”

Oh, right. Tyler was still supposed to be pretending. “Right, right. Yeah, sure, why the hell not?”

“Sweet!” Josh hops off the bar stool, fishes a few bills out of his pocket for the bartender, and takes Tyler’s hand again. Tyler ignores the butterflies in his stomach as Josh pulls him onto the dance floor and jokingly twirls him around. “That’s what we’re supposed to do, right?”

“Right,” Tyler smiles back. The song ends and the air fills with drunken cheers. Josh’s hands settle on Tyler’s hips.

“This okay?” he asks.

“Yes.” _It’s more than okay._

“Good.” the two of them gently begin swaying back and forth as the band begins a slow song. Tyler never really believed in fate, but this has _gotta_ be fate. What are the chances a slow song would play right as they came onto the patio? Maybe this is the universe telling him to make a move. Should he make a move? Is it too early? It’s only the first night of their trip. It’s gotta be too early, right?

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Josh raises an eyebrow. “Your face is red.”

Tyler tears away from Josh’s gaze. His eyes sort of remind Tyler of the sun; they’re bright and beautiful, but deadly to look at for too long. Tyler’s afraid he’ll get sucked in.

“What makes you think I’m thinking?”

“Everyone is always thinking.”

“I’m thinking about your nose,” Tyler lies. Josh’s nails dig further into his hips.

“Hmm.”

“What are you thinking about?”

Josh smiles. He looks up at the band as they dance across the stage and put their hearts into playing their instruments. He looks around at all the people twirling around them, and his hands come off of Tyler’s hips to clasp around his hand. “Spin,” he demands, and Tyler does, around and around and around until he’s laughing and dizzy.

Josh catches him right before he falls, and the song ends. Tyler finds himself looking into Josh’s eyes again. His skin is burning and he doesn’t even care.

The world around them continues on, but the two of them don’t move. Josh’s fingers settle comfortably back on Tyler’s hip.

“What were you thinking about?” Tyler whispers. He doesn’t want this moment to pass. He wants to mentally capture this moment and frame it up on his wall.

Someone picks that moment to stumble into the two of them, and Josh ends up with beer all down his shirt. He steps back, his hands thrown up in frustration, as he gasps loudly at his now soaked shirt.

“Heh, sorry bro,” the guy slurs as he pulls his girlfriend off the patio. Josh scoffs and shakes his head in amazement as Tyler brings him napkins.

“Yeah, no problem, _bro,”_ mutters Josh mockingly as he tries to sop up some of the wetness off his shirt. “Way to kill the vibe.”

“People are jerks,” Tyler adds. Josh nods.

“Well, guess we should head back to the van so I can change my shirt and we can get that air mattress ready.”

“Yeah. That’s a good idea.” Tyler shoves his hands deep into his pockets and follows Josh out of the bar.

Fate was a joke.

 

* * *

 

Josh wants their next destination to be St. Louis.

“I’ve never seen the arch before,” he says, his smile all white teeth and bright and beautiful. Tyler can’t say no to that smile. Besides, St. Louis is only four hours away and by the looks of it, there’s plenty for them to do.

Josh picks a Beastie Boys cd and cracks open the lid of one of his ice coffees. They had freshened up in the gas station that morning; Josh had spent half an hour complaining that he still smelled like beer despite the cologne and deodorant he had reapplied. Tyler had promised he didn’t.

“Okay, so, the arch first, then we can find some place to eat, and then we can visit Forest Park? The 1904 world’s fair was held there. We can visit the art museum.” Josh is giddy with excitement as he scrolls on his phone and takes a long sip of his coffee. Tyler nods his head. He’s driving this time around.

“That sounds like a lot of fun.”

“Plus, today’s the day we pretend you chose the band. So... I guess you’re playing your first show in St. Louis?”

“Yeah,” Tyler grins, “so what’s your role in all of this then?”

Josh shrugs. “Your plus one?”

“That sounds good to me.” _Although drummer of Twenty One Pilots sounds much better._

“Sick. I've always wanted to be the plus one of a famous musician.”

Tyler rolls his eyes as Josh's grin widens. “You're a dork.”

“No, I'm not! I'm a realist. And today, since we're pretending, I'm going to go above and beyond. Tyler Joseph, famous musician extraordinaire.”

“Oh, please.”

“It could happen. Maybe today we should work on being optimistic.” He's joking of course, but Tyler's stomach still clenches. He knows how pessimistic he is. Tyler has always been like that. It was one of his many flaws.

Does Josh get annoyed with his negative attitude? Will he scare Josh away?

“You okay?” Josh is looking at him and frowning. Tyler steals a quick glance before returning his gaze to the road. They'll need to stop for gas soon.

“I'm peachy,” Tyler replies, hoping it's convincing enough. He turns up the radio, and they stop talking.

 

* * *

 

At the gas station, Tyler fills up the truck while Josh fishes some more painkillers out of the back from one of their countless Walmart bags. He comes around to wait with Tyler.

“I'll tell you what though, this humidity is gross.” He pulls his shirt away from his skin and fans it a few times. “I feel like I'm melting.”

“Yeah, this is kinda gross,” Tyler agrees. He puts the pump back and closes his gas tank. “Okay, where to first? We're almost downtown.”

“Food? There's apparently this really good diner downtown that's been around since like, forever.”

“How'd you find that out?”

“The internet is a wonderful place, my friend.” Josh winks. “I'll get us directions.”

“Sounds good to me.”

 

* * *

 

They order the same thing: a heart stopping BLT and a chocolate malt to share. Both get their own glass, but Tyler is feeling anxious again. He finds himself looking at Josh again, smiling to himself as Josh bites into his sandwich and pieces of bacon fall out. It shouldn't be attractive, but it _is,_ and _God_ is he swooning.

Josh quirks up an eyebrow after he swallows his food. “What are you smiling at?”

“You. The food is supposed to go in your mouth, you know that, right?”

Josh rolls his eyes and wipes the crumbs off his mouth. “This is really good, what can I say?”

“Guess you were right about this place having good food then, huh?” Tyler grins. He wants to kiss Josh more and more with each passing second.

“Hell yeah. Here, you can have the rest of my malt.” Josh pushes his milkshake glass Tyler’s way and gestures for him to finish it. Tyler complies, leaning over to put the straw in his mouth. Part of him feels like this is the closest he'll ever get to kissing Josh. They are sharing spit, if that means anything.

But it does. It means so much and Tyler knows how stupid that is.

Once they finish their food and pay the bill, Josh offers to drive.

“Do you wanna go see the arch?” he asks.

“Sure. I’ve heard rumors that St. Louis pretty much, like, _invented_ the arch.”

That gets Josh to snort as he starts the engine and pulls away from the curb. He watches Tyler type in directions to the monument out of the corner of his eye. “Right. Who even cares about the Romans?”

“Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it fell in one.” Tyler smiles as he puts the GPS back on the dashboard. “Okay, so the arch it is. Even though it’s like, a thousand degrees outside and I don’t want to spend all day in the sun, but it’s worth it for you.”

“Aww, babe,” Josh says teasingly, and Tyler finds himself getting just a bit hot and bothered by the pet name. He’s only joking, but _still._ First the dancing, now this? Is Josh trying to kill him?

“Do you want to go inside?”

“If it doesn’t cost a billion dollars, I’m game. You aren’t afraid of heights, are you?”

“Gosh, no. I love them. I wish I could climb and climb and climb until no one could ever see me ever again.” Tyler pushes back into his seat and slumps down a little bit, turning to look out the window at the gaping skyscrapers they’re passing.

“Yeah, that’d be nice.” Josh sighs loudly, his fingers tightening over the steering wheel. He turns back towards Tyler. “Hey, maybe after this, we can go visit the venue you are definitely going to sell out someday.”

“That would be really nice. I’ll look up some small ones.” He doesn’t go for his phone. Instead, Tyler starts snapping the rubber band around his wrist hard enough that the skin turns red.

Josh leaves the radio off. Tyler wishes he would turn it on.

 

* * *

 

The view of St. Louis from the top of the arch is beautiful. Tyler wishes the pictures he took with his phone would do more justice, because everything below them looks miniature, like it belongs to an ant army. Tyler presses his nose against the glass and stares down below.

“You know that scene in _Ferris Bueller_ when Ferris, Cameron, and Sloane are in the Sears tower and they lean forward against the glass?” Josh is positioned the same way next to Tyler. They are close enough for their hands to touch, and they do, every so often, brush hands. “This is what this feels like. Like we’re the main characters in a really good eighties film.”

“We need some techno beating in the background. And for all these other people to leave.”

Josh scoffs. “Yeah, that’d be nice, huh?”

“It’d be nice if we were the only people in this whole city,” Tyler says softly.

He never does find out if Josh heard him.

 

* * *

 

They stop by a venue called the Firebird on the way home. It’s small and only holds about two hundred people, but Tyler climbs out of his truck and stares at it for a few moments with his hands deep in his pockets. He closes his eyes and tries to picture himself in front of that many people. He’s pretty sure the most people he’s ever played in front of have been less than fifty.

_People cheering for me. For us._

Tyler doesn’t know who is included in the “us” just yet, but all of him hopes it’s Josh.

They rent a cheap motel that night so they can both use the shower and get clean. There’s only one bed-- Josh said it’d be cheaper, and he was perfectly fine with sharing (Tyler was too) so that was that.

Freshly showered, the two climb under the comforter and fluff up their abnormally flat pillows. The TV is on, playing some rerun of a crime show-- Maybe NCIS? That’s the only one coming to Tyler’s head at the moment. Either way, he’s more than comfortable being here with Josh.

“Today was fun,” Josh whispers, the hazy glow of the television casting shadows on his face. His nose doesn’t look as swollen as it did in the sunlight.

“It was. Where are we going tomorrow?”

“Chicago? It’s about six hours. Then we can head towards Wisconsin if you’d like.”

“I’m game.”

“Is there anywhere you wanna go? I feel like I’ve been picking all the places lately.”

Tyler chuckles. “No, I’ve been enjoying it, trust me. It’s nice, just the two of us together.”

“Are you feeling any better?”

Josh has dimples when he presses his lips together. It’s really cute, Tyler decides. “Yeah, I think I am.”

He rolls over onto his back and stares at the popcorn ceiling. “Good. I’m glad.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Good. I’m really good.” Josh smiles and his eyes get all crinkly. “These past two days have been... something else. I’m glad I decided to do this with you. I can only imagine what else we’re gonna get up to.”

“Some crazy stuff, I bet.” Tyler rolls onto his back too, his eyes on the television. The detectives are at a crime scene with police tape and stuff. “We’ll get to see the bean.”

“The bean! And we gotta go up in the tower to really get that _Ferris Bueller_ experience.”

“We’ll go to the art museum too.”

“Definitely.” Josh yawns, stretches, and rolls back over towards Tyler. “We should get some rest. I’ll drive tomorrow morning first.”

“I don’t mind driving.”

“You can if you want.”

“Do you want to drive first?”

“I don’t care.” Josh laughs. “We’re arguing about driving like an old married couple.”

Now Tyler turns to face Josh too. He wonders if Josh can tell how red his face is. “I like arguing, what can I say?”

“Dude, I’m a pushover. You’re going to hate me, then.”

Tyler joins him in laughter. “Maybe that just makes our friendship better.”

“You think?”

“Yeah.” They share a smile. Josh yawns again.

“Goodnight, Ty.”

“Goodnight.”

 

* * *

 

Tyler wakes up before Josh the next morning and rolls over to watch him sleep. Josh is dead asleep, obvious from the loud snores coming out of his mouth and the way his body limps lifelessly. He knows it’s creepy to lay here and watch Josh sleep, but it doesn’t feel weird. It feels comfortable, like they really are an old married couple instead of two dudes who ran away from their problems.

After a few more minutes when Tyler comes to the conclusion Josh is not going to wake up any time soon, Tyler reaches for his phone and sighs at the absurd number of missed calls he has from his parents. He assumes Mark told them. It makes complete sense that they wouldn’t listen. They never have.

He decides on a shower, because showers always help him clear his thoughts. He scrubs his body clean and his mind becomes clean too. Everyone knows how that works.

When Tyler comes out of the bathroom with a towel knotted loosely around his waist, Josh is awake and looking right at him. Tyler ducks his head.

“Sorry, just getting clothes.”

“Don’t apologize. You could have woke me up earlier if you wanted.”

“Nah, you seemed like you needed sleep.” Tyler pauses to smile at him before returning to his duffel bag. He decides on a pair of maroon Chinos and a grey tee. “I say we go to McDonald's for breakfast.”

Josh playfully moans. “God, that sounds perfect. I’m going to get the greasiest McGriddle of all time.”

“That sounds absolutely delicious and disgusting at the same time.” He fumbles through clothes to find underwear. “Tell me why I always pack my boxers at the bottom of the bag.”

“You just want me to see you half naked,” Josh teases, grinning. Tyler’s blush grows darker and he feels stupid.

“I’ll take every chance I get to be naked. You know, free the inner beast that all men have.”

“Exactly. No wonder women hate us.” They both laugh as Tyler finally latches his slender fingers around a pair of boxers and adds them to the pile.

“I’ll go change.”

Josh slides off the bed and pads to the bathroom. “You can change in here. I’m gonna jump in the shower real quick and rinse off before we head out.”

“Perfect,” Tyler responds.

 

* * *

 

After pulling through the McDonald’s drive thru, they’re headed back on the road with Tyler driving. Josh flips through his cd collection with interest.

“Have you never heard of an aux cord, dude?”

“Don’t hate on my cds, man. That’s rude.”

Josh laughs. “I’m not hating. I just think that would make things a lot easier.”

“I like having physical copies. It makes the music tangible. Like, yeah, I know it’s easier to have digital downloads, but I ain’t about that.”

“You’re probably a vinyl collector, huh?”

Tyler shakes his head. “Maybe someday. Right now, I just get cds.”

“Fair enough.”

Later, when they’re cruising down the highway to Tyler’s Journey cd, Josh looks over at Tyler from the phone for the first time in minutes. He bites his lip and sighs.

“Tyler?”

“Yeah?”

“Have your parents tried to contact you yet?”

“They have, yeah. Did yours?”

“Uh, yes.” Josh shakes his cell phone before letting it clatter into a cup holder. “They aren’t happy with me.”

“We kinda expected that though, didn’t we?” Tyler shrugs. “Mine aren’t happy either, but whatever. It’s our lives.”

“You’re right. You’re right! It’s my life.” Josh is trying to convince himself by repeating “it’s my life” over and over again under his breath. Tyler wonders if Josh is panicking, just as he had done the previous day.

“Drink some water,” Tyler suggests, even though it’s more of a demand. Josh complies, reaching into the back seat for a water bottle. He cracks the seal and gulps down half the bottle before slumping in his seat.

“I understand why you were panicking the other day. What we’re doing,” he laughs nervously, “it _is_ crazy, isn’t it?”

“It is,” Tyler agrees, wishing he could look Josh in the eyes instead of paying attention to the road. Traffic isn’t terrible, but there are enough cars on the road to make Tyler nervous. “But we’re together, and we have each other’s backs. This trip, like you said, it is good for us. We’re clearing our heads.”

Josh nods. “You’re right. I just need to relax. Do you have any idea of when we’re going to switch off driving?”

“Later. I haven’t been driving for that long.” Tyler risks their safety to steal a glance at the boy next to him. Josh’s cheeks are flushed. “Maybe you should try and get some more sleep.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I’ll be okay, I promise.” Tyler smiles, which comforts Josh enough to adjust himself so his head is leaning against the window.

“Don’t let me sleep too long.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise?” Josh extends his pinkie and moves his hand. Without looking, Tyler wraps his own tightly around Josh’s.

“I promise.”

 

* * *

 

By the time Josh wakes up, Tyler is pulling into a gas station for a restroom break. He reckons they won’t need to fill up the tank until they arrive in Chicago, which will make the drive feel shorter.

As he turns off the car, Tyler looks over at Josh sleeping next to him and sighs. He wishes he could find the words to say to Josh that perfectly described how he felt about everything that was going on. Sure, Tyler could write songs, but talking about normal people things was a bit of a struggle for him.

When he gets back from the restroom with a few snacks in tow, Josh is awake, rubbing at his eyes.

“Do you need to pee?” Tyler asks as he opens the back door and adds his new snacks to the pile. Josh watches him dig for a Redbull and steal one of Josh’s oreos.

“I’m okay. Do you want me to drive now?”

“Are you gonna be okay driving? I mean, you did just wake up.”

Josh chuckles. “I’ll be okay. Can you get me a Redbull too?”

“Course, bro.” They trade seats, Tyler bucking his seatbelt before handing Josh his energy drink. Josh starts the car, checks the mirrors, and backs out of the parking lot. “Do you feel any better?”

“Huh?” Josh looks over at him for a split second. “Oh. Yeah, I do. Sleep fixes many, many things.”

“Totally.” Tyler drums his fingers against the Redbull can and sighs. He needs to get something off his chest before he chickens out. “Josh, can I ask you a personal question?”

“Yeah man, what’s up?”

He wonders if Josh notices him staring at his profile. Dammit, why is Josh so perfect? “How did you realize you were bisexual?”

“Oh. Well, I noticed that I found dudes equally as attractive as women, and after years of denial, I just allowed it to happen. I dunno, really. It’s something that you kinda just _know,_ if that makes sense.”

“Have you ever kissed a guy?” Tyler asks nervously. He rolls the can between his hands.

“Yeah. I think I prefer it, actually.” A pause. “Are you asking because you’re curious, or is there something else going on up there in that brain of yours?”

That gets a chuckle out of him. “I’ve been thinking, I guess. Like, I’ve grown up with the idea that being gay is wrong, right? But then I’m also told that God loves everyone. So those two things don’t really line up. If God loves everyone, then it shouldn’t matter who I love.”

“I agree,” Josh says, nodding for him to continue. Tyler takes a deep breath.

“I dunno. I guess sometimes I just wonder what it would be like to be with a guy, I guess. I’m not opposed to it. I just don’t know where that would put me on the scale, or whatever.”

“You don’t have to put labels or titles on anything. Just be yourself. That’s all we can do, really.” His hand drapes across the center console where Tyler’s own lays, his fingers brushing over Tyler’s knuckles. A knot forms in his stomach and it takes all his will power and human decency not to grab hold of Josh’s hand. “This trip, we did this so we could escape everything back home. Your sexuality is a part of that. Here, you can be yourself and not have to worry about what anyone is thinking. I certainly won’t judge you for who you like.”

“I know,” Tyler smiles, “and that means a lot.”

Josh pulls his hand away. Tyler’s skin feels cold at the lack of Josh’s touch.

A few seconds tick by and Tyler mumbles the lyrics to _Faithfully_ under his breath before looking back over at Josh. His bruises are still dark, but they looked better than they had the day before. Good.

“How does your nose feel?”

“Fine, honestly. I might put a bit more of that cream on though.” He blushes. “It felt good when you put it on.”

Tyler’s grin is back. “When we get to Chicago, I’ll fix you right up.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Josh says, sticking out his tongue. He leans out to turn the radio up, and together, they spend the rest of the drive singing at the top of their lungs.

 

* * *

 

The sun is starting to make its way west by the time they get to Chicago. Traffic is terrible getting into the city and Tyler feels bad that Josh is the one having to deal with it. He seems frustrated.

“Tell me, Tyler, how do so many people manage to get a drivers license when they can’t fucking drive?”

“I wish I knew the answer to that,” Tyler replies, smirking. He knows Josh is irritated, but it is quite adorable to hear him cursing under his breath. “I didn’t take you as the road rage kind of driver, Joshua.”

“There’s a lot of things you’ll learn about me soon enough.” Josh honks viciously as someone cuts in front of him. “Oh, fuck you, asshole!”

“You know they can’t hear you, right?”

Josh grunts. “I don’t care.”

Tyler pulls up google maps. “I say we find a parking garage, pay the ten bucks or whatever it is to park there, and curl up in bed.”

“That... that honestly sounds amazing. I could go for another nap.”

A laugh. “Me too. We can cuddle.”

Josh grins. It’s his first grin since they entered the city. “Perfect.”

 

* * *

 

The garage is very hot, and both boys are sweating after having the air conditioning off for only a minute. Tyler rolled the windows down so they could get some air flow before they both flocked to the bed of the truck. Tyler climbs in first, kicking off his sneakers as Josh closes the door and scoots farther up the bed. As he takes his own shoes off, Tyler reaches into the bag of medical supplies to collect antibiotic cream and bandaids.

Josh sits cross legged, the air mattress squeaking every time he shifts to make himself comfortable. Tyler carefully peels off the bandaid on his nose and squirts some Neosporin onto his fingertips.

“Is your eye feeling okay?”

“It hasn’t bothered me,” Josh replies. He lets some air out between his teeth as Tyler gently spreads the antibiotic over the spray of bruises.

“Am I hurting you?” Tyler will always ask that question, just in case.

“No. It feels good.”

“Good. That’s good.” His fingers linger over the bridge of Josh’s nose as he grabs a new band-aid and hands it to Josh to open. “You wouldn’t lie to me if it was hurting, right?”

“Of course not.”

Tyler clicks his tongue. “Alright.”

“Do you think I’m lying to you?”

“I think you wouldn’t tell me if it actually was hurting.”

Josh scoffs and smiles lamely. “Maybe, maybe not. It really isn’t hurting, though. Pinkie promise.” Tyler sits back to admire his first aid skills as Josh runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. We still gonna cuddle or what?” With a wink, Tyler dives back and pulls his pillow close to him as Josh lays down next to him. He feels Josh’s hand on the small of his back and a shudder runs down his spine. God. _God._ There are so many things he wants to be doing right now. Tyler doesn’t remember the last time he felt so calm, so safe, next to someone. He certainly hadn’t been in a long term relationship. Most of the people he dated ended up breaking it off when they realized how emotional he could be. And yeah, Tyler was an emotional guy. He cried a lot, but that had never been something he thought was wrong until he dived into the world of dating.

Josh’s hand begins to tug at the bottom of Tyler’s shirt. “You’re sweaty.”

“It’s hot,” Tyler points out of the obvious, but he sits up anyways to take his shirt off. Josh placed his palm flat on Tyler’s back. His hands feel cold compared to the rest of the truck.

“Your back curves in the most perfect way,” he whispers. Tyler feels him slide his hand up and down, rubbing his bare back and sending more chills down his spine.

“You mean like, my spine, dude?” Tyler smiles into his pillow as Josh continues to run his fingers up and around the dips and curves of his skin. It feels amazing and somehow, Josh knows exactly how Tyler feels.

“It’s beautiful,” Josh replies in a whisper, adding a “bro” only a couple seconds afterward. “I hope this is okay.”

“It’s more than okay. It feels great.”

Josh laughs. “Then it’s worth having my hands all over your sweaty back.”

“I’ll rub yours later,” Tyler promises as he sinks further into his pillow and closes his eyes. He hopes he can capture this moment longer in his dreams.

 

* * *

 

The setting sun hides behind buildings and makes the city seem darker than it is as the two wander the streets of Chicago. They’re close enough that their hands touch every once in a while, fumbling with apologies shortly after. They don’t speak very often, still groggy from their nap. It was a good nap, though. Josh’s arm ended up around Tyler’s waist and they woke up with way too much sweat between the two of them. Usually that would gross Tyler out, but there was something about Josh that made everything okay. Everything felt calm with Josh around. Tyler didn’t feel the need to be anyone besides himself.

The two end up outside a tiny Italian corner restaurant with two bowls of spaghetti in front of them. They’re sitting outside, their backs against the front windows with twinkling lights above their heads. Tyler stirs his spaghetti around his fork and slumps down in his chair. While Josh has settled on a glass of red wine, Tyler decided on tap water that the waiter had already filled three times.

“You’re thirsty,” Josh points out, wiggling his eyebrows. He’s eaten far more pasta than Tyler has.

“Yeah, that nap made me a bit parched.”

“It was a good nap, though.”

A laugh. “Yeah, it was a really great nap.” His fork scrapes against the bottom of his bowl. “Are you feeling any better?”

“What do you mean?”

He points at Tyler with his fork. “You’ve been quiet.”

“I don’t have much to say.”

“Not even any reflecting? On these past few days?”

Tyler sighs. “I haven’t... I guess I haven’t thought about it.”

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

He chews on the inside of his cheek. “Honestly, I haven’t given it much thought. It’s just been easier to be in denial about it, y’know?” His fingers tap against the table nervously and he focuses on his shaking leg. “That was the whole reason I wanted to get away in the first place.”

“Sometimes it’s better to talk about things than letting them simmer inside of you.”

“Yeah. I guess that’s true. I dunno. I guess I keep thinking about Chris and Nick and what they said to me about wanting to focus on real careers. Like, look at me. I’m a nobody. I’m just some kid who accidentally discovered he liked how he felt when he created music.”

“Are you saying music isn’t a real career?”

“I’m saying it’s not a very reasonable career. Think about how many people try to become songwriters or start bands or play shows. There are so many bands out there that hardly anyone knows about. It’s just, it’s scary.”

“It is scary,” Josh agrees, still spinning his spaghetti around his fork. He’s being a lot more proper whilst eating than Tyler has been, making sure it's tight and cut before raising it to his lips. What Tyler actually has eaten has been slurped up. There are bits of dried tomato sauce in the corners of his mouth. “It is a risk. But wouldn’t you rather be doing what you love than something you hate?”

“I guess that’s another fear I have. That something I love will begin to feel like work for me. Being a musician, it isn’t a normal nine-to-five work day. You are _always_ working. It’ll be impossible to avoid burnout.”

“Yes.” Josh nods his head and Tyler is thankful he’s listening. Tyler usually wasn’t the type to share his feelings and thoughts with others. That’s what his notebooks, journals, and razors were for. His stomach churns at the thought of his razors stuffed in his top drawer back home and the scars on his thighs. Out of habit, he reaches for the rubber band around his wrist and pulls at it, calming down at the burning sensation that follows. It wasn’t a good habit, but it was better than what he used to do.

“I know I should do what I want to do and not let the opinions of others affect me, but I do. I close my eyes and all I can see is the disappointed frowns of my parents and colleagues.”

“You could always get another job while you did music. Both are technically part time jobs.”

“But I don’t want to be thirty years old and still working at McDonald’s because I didn’t go to college.” _Snap._ He knows Josh is watching him and that rubber band.

“Is there anything else you want to do, though?”

A pause. “No. I have no plan B.”

Josh is quiet. Tyler assumes it’s so they both can think, but Josh never says anything. Instead, they finish their meals and decide to head further into the city.

 

* * *

 

It’s still busy, even on a weekday. Their last conversation was back at the restaurant.

Tyler feels like he’s done something wrong, even though he knows he hasn’t. It’s that damn anxiety so determined to destroy his mediocre life.

Finally, Josh pulls Tyler to the side when they stop by a convenience store. He says he needs to buy a few things, so Tyler waits up at the front staring at the ATM while Josh gets his stuff. He’s not sure what Josh is buying, but doesn’t mind waiting. He’s still got a lot of thoughts to sort through as his fingers play with his stupid rubber band.

Josh comes over with a plastic bag that he raises over his head. “Got it. Ready to go?”

“Where are we going?”

A shrug. “Wherever we end up, I guess. I know where the car is so if all else fails, we can get a cab.”

“Okay.” Tyler falls in line with his pace, his hands deep in the pockets of his shorts. He continues to chew on the inside of his cheek. That happened a lot; so much, in fact, that the inside of his cheek was always lined with open sores. “Whaddya get?”

Josh points to a pub they’ve walked by and reaches to pull the door open. “Let’s talk.”

“In here?” Tyler blinks.

“Yeah. It’ll be quiet and no one will bother us.” Josh tilts his head towards the lobby, and with a nervous nod, Tyler follows through the door. They sit at a table near the back, ignoring the other patrons laughing over glasses of beer. “Does it bother you when I drink?”

“No,” Tyler says. Josh looks at him. Studies him.

“Are you lying?”

“No. Why would I?”

“Because I can see how nervous you get around places like this.”

Tyler scoffs. “Then why the hell did you bring me in here?”

“Because I have something to share with you.” Josh dumps the contents of his plastic bag onto the tabletop. Out tumbles two packages of cigarettes, a lighter, and a cheap, plastic razor. Tyler frowns.

“You smoke?”

Josh nods. “Yeah. I’m trying to quit, but it hasn’t been easy. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to see me different. But I guess, since I drink, you’ve already seen me in a different light.”

He opens his mouth slightly to argue, but nothing comes out. Josh is right. Tyler has seen him differently, but it isn’t in a bad way.

Josh picks up the cheap razor in its plastic wrapping and tears it off. He takes a moment to inspect the razor before breaking the actual razor blade off the handle. “Do you know what I do with this?” Tyler stares at the table. “I buy cheap razors and I break the blades out of them. I think you’re smart enough to figure out what comes next.” The razor clatters onto the table. Josh hikes his shirt up to his neck and points to his stomach. It’s covered in tiny, white scars. Tyler feels his throat burn.

“Why are you telling me this?” He asks, trying hard not to cry. Josh smooths his shirt out and gathers his purchases back into the bag before replying.

“Because I’m not anything special, Tyler. I’m human. I make bad choices and I hate myself and I struggle to talk to people. But with you? With you, I can be myself. With you, I don’t need to hide. And I want you to know that you don’t need to hide from me. Tyler, I am a fucking nobody.” He laughs in a way Tyler doesn’t quite know how to describe. He sounds like he might start crying soon too. “I’m entirely too emotional. Every little thing makes me feel a way I don’t want to be feeling. Do you remember that conversation we had the first night we met? About our struggle with depression and anxiety?” A nod. “Nothing has changed. We will struggle with it all our lives. So please don’t _ever_ feel ashamed to talk to me about anything. I am here for you. Nothing is too small or too big to be talked about.”

Tyler’s attention falls to his rubber band. It’s been on his left wrist for almost two years now, there to stop him from relapsing. The thing is, he already has. Sure, he didn’t smoke or drink, but there were other ways for him to deal with his pain. “Are you talking about this?”

It’s losing its elasticity at this point. Josh shakes his head. “I can read you like an open book. You think all this band stuff is too much for me to handle.”

“I don’t think that at all,” he argues, raising his voice slightly. Again, Josh shakes his head no.

“I understand exactly how you feel. My parents think I’m a failure too. They look at me with disappointment in their eyes and lie to my face. I know what it’s like to be the kid the family doesn’t want.” He laughs again. This time, a few tears manage to escape and his voice is shaky when he speaks again. “We aren’t _normal,_ Tyler, and that’s okay. It’s okay that we’re two fucked up dudes with dreams that society thinks are unreachable. It’s okay that we’re fucked up and do horrible things to make ourselves feel better. It’s _okay._ You can breathe.”

Tyler’s tears are falling too. This whole situation is ridiculous that he starts laughing. Here they are, two twenty-something-year-olds, crying in a pub in downtown Chicago because they have so many problems they don’t want anyone knowing about. Tyler reaches for Josh’s hand laying on the table and squeezes.

“I’m here,” Josh whispers.

 

* * *

 

They sleep well that night, which isn’t a surprise. It’s good for the both of them, and once again, they wake up embraced in each other’s arms.

Since neither felt bothered to change, they are still in their sweaty street clothes in a hot garage in the morning. Tyler wakes up first, stifling a yawn as he detangles himself from Josh’s arms and slides to the end of the trunk bed to climb out. Josh shifts behind him as his socked feet touch the cement ground and he tiptoes around to the back door to pull a fresh change of clothes out of his duffel bag. He’d change underwear too, but something told him that wouldn’t exactly be socially acceptable in a garage in downtown Chicago.

As he changes into a new pair of shorts, his hands stop short, noticing the white marks on his upper thigh since he’s now pulled up his boxers. He’s thinking about that conversation with Josh last night at the pub. It had to have been the heaviest conversation they ever had. He couldn’t believe how open Josh had been about his addictions and his struggles. Josh was right. Tyler didn’t need to hide when he was with him.

Before he can finish getting his pants on, Josh comes around the corner of the truck, rubbing his eyes. Tyler freezes, knowing perfectly well that his entire canvas of scars is now open for Josh to view.

Josh doesn’t say anything. He just grabs his bag and walks to the other side of the truck.

When they both climb back into the bed, Tyler speaks first. “You had your suspicions.”

“I did,” he admits. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Eventually.”

Josh takes a deep breath. “I saw your razors the night you let me stay over. I just didn’t say anything because it wasn’t my place.”

“I’m trying to stop. That’s why I have this.” He raises his arm with the rubber band around his wrist and shakes it gently. “I just pull instead. And I know it’s still considered self harm, but--”

“I get it. That’s why I started smoking.” Josh’s hair falls into his eyes. It’s getting pretty long. “When’s the last time you did it?”

“Nine months ago. You?”

“Ten.” He forces a smile. “We’re doing pretty good.”

“We are,” Tyler agrees. “I honestly never thought I’d meet someone who was just as emotional as me.”

That gets Josh to laugh. “You know what? Me either.”

 

* * *

 

After breakfast, they go sightseeing. Josh takes a bunch of silly pictures of Tyler in front of the bean and they go visit the art museum. Tyler spends his whole time in there absolutely in awe at what people can create with their hands. He knows how scary it is to put yourself out in the world. It’s something he thinks about far too often.

And after that, Josh _insists_ that they go up into the Sears Tower, (even though it’s technically the Willis tower now), just for that perfect _Ferris Bueller_ moment.

“Climb on up,” he commands as he climbs up onto the railing himself. Tyler watches him rest his head against the window, just like those three rebellious teens in that classic eighties movie. Tyler manages to get one foot up on the railing before security is yelling at them to get down. In a fit of giggles, Josh pulls Tyler by the hand towards the exit.

Later, tired of Chicago, they head towards Wisconsin and discover a traveling carnival in the fields near the highway. In a moment of spontaneity, they decide “why the hell not?” and head in that direction. Although it’s hot and somewhat humid, the cloud cover hides the setting sun enough to make it bearable.

Immediately, they head for the ferris wheel. Tyler can’t believe how well Josh knows him after a few short months.

“We really struck gold here,” Josh exclaims as they get in line. Each ticket was a dollar, so the two combined their pocket change to gather enough for a few rides and games.

 Tyler wonders how many times he can think about kissing Josh in one day before it becomes obsessive. “Good thing you saw it. I don’t think I would have.”

“That’s because you were being a safe driver and watching the road. I’m glad you didn’t get us killed.”

He scoffs and peers up at the ferris wheel. The carts are bright green and pink. “Yeah, that’s a good thing.”

“I got a text from my mom today. She told me I was being irresponsible. Really though, I think she was just mad that I quit my job.” Josh is trying to make conversation, but all Tyler can think about is their conversation from the day before. He isn’t sad, but rather overanalyzing it like he always does.

“Yeah, I ended up muting the texts from my parents. If they try and contact me, I don’t get a notification. But I know they aren’t happy.”

“They’ll get over it though. Really, it’s not that big of a deal. I think they’re just upset that we’re finally off doing adult things.”

“That makes sense,” Tyler replies, stepping up to the gate. The worker asks for their tickets and ushers them into a green cart. Their thighs press up against each other and their knees knock. Josh’s skin feels warm.

“I know you like being high,” Josh whispers, chuckling at his own joke. Tyler laughs with him.

“I do like being high. Imagine if I could fly.”

“That’d be pretty badass,” Josh reaches out to pat Tyler’s knee and Tyler pretends that definitely did not turn him on. He wants Josh’s hand to stay on his bony knee forever and ever.

As soon as the cart starts moving, Josh grabs onto Tyler’s arm nervously. They shake a little bit in the breeze.

“Are you scared?”

“Just nervous. I don’t like... rocking things.”

Tyler laughs. “Then why the hell did you get on a ferris wheel with me?”

“Because I want you to be happy,” he says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Tyler’s cheeks flush.

“Oh,” is all he can manage. Josh’s grip tightens the higher they get. And at the top, the cart stops, swaying back and forth from their slight movements. Tyler thinks about how cliche it would be if he were to kiss Josh right here, right now, at the top of the ferris wheel. Surely it would distract Josh from his nervousness, but he can only imagine telling his friends and family about it in the future.

So instead, he lets Josh hold onto his bicep and leans his head on Josh’s shoulder. It seems to calm him down just enough to slow his rapid breaths.

Tyler can’t be sure if Josh feels the same way he does. Sure, they’re close, but that could be a friendship thing. It always got hard to tell. He had to remind himself that just because Josh liked dudes didn’t mean Josh liked him.

Later, the two play a few rounds of darts, in which Tyler wins Josh a teddy bear, and they sit down to eat cheap hot dogs. Josh has his covered in all the works-- mustard, ketchup, and relish-- while Tyler stuck with just mustard. This time though, Josh eats like a maniac and Tyler can’t help but laugh.

“Sexy, right?” He grins as he licks the ketchup off the corner of his mouth. Tyler nods his head.

“Very sexy. Who can resist a man with ketchup lips?”

“I know I can’t. Sorry, Ty, but just mustard isn’t gonna cut it.” He winks, rubs his hands on a nearby napkin, and picks up the teddy bear. “We should name it.”

“The bear? You’re actually gonna keep that thing?”

Josh gasps. “You think I wouldn’t?”

“They probably bought it at the dollar store.”

He shrugs. “But you won it for me. I’ll cherish it forever.” Josh tucks it into his lap and shoots Tyler a toothy grin. “Are you doing okay?”

“I’m great,” he promises. All seems well because Josh believes him.

 

* * *

 

They spend the rest of the night driving through the Wisconsin hills, finally deciding to stay the night right after crossing the Iowa border. Tyler parks in a carpool lot, rolls down the windows, and turns the car off. He steals a glance at Josh next to him, who’s still staring at the window.

“It’s getting late,” Tyler says. It’s only eleven, but it feels like he’s been awake for hours.

“Yeah,” Josh says back. He reaches in the glovebox to get his cigarettes and opens the door. “I’m gonna smoke. Do you want me to do it over there?” He points to the other side of the parking lot.

“You don’t have too,” Tyler shakes his head, “I don’t mind the smell, actually.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll just be around the truck, then.”

“I’ll go get the bed ready,” is his reply as he too steps outside. The parking lot is made of gravel and it cracks underneath his sneakers as he makes his way around the back. There really isn’t much for him to do except change into some gym shorts and brush his teeth after wetting his toothbrush with a half-drank bottle of water.

Josh wanders back over at some point after Tyler has curled up near the top of the air mattress and began to read the many text messages he’d been putting off from his parents. None of them were in anger, per say, but mostly expressing their disappointment. _You can’t run away forever. One day, you have to face your fears._

He knows that, but running feels easier.

“Toothpaste?”

“In the Walmart bag,” Tyler replies without looking up from his phone. He has a text from Mark too, asking where he’s at. He reminds himself that Mark is only asking out of worry. Mark cares about him. Mark deserves to know.

 _Iowa,_ he responds. Mark must have his phone close because his reply is immediate.

 _Be safe._ Tyler locks his phone and shoves it under his pillow. He looks over at Josh right as the brunette spits toothpaste into the gravel.

“When did you start smoking?”

His toothbrush pushes out from the inside of his cheek. “Two years ago last month.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“A few people. I don’t really tell anyone.” He spits again and reaches for the water bottle Tyler used earlier to rinse his mouth out. “I know I’m using it as a coping mechanism to stop the urge to self harm, but like, I’m still killing myself.” He chuckles. “It’s the shame, I guess. I don’t want to do it, but I feel like it’s the only way.”

“I mean, we all die from something. And you said you were trying to stop.”

“Yeah. I don’t really feel like I need to smoke every day. It’s just, like, I’ll get a memory, and need the nicotine.”

“Have you tried the rubber band?” Tyler snaps it lightly against his wrist. Josh nods.

“Yep. It didn’t work. But I’m glad it works for you. It’s a helluva lot better than getting addicted to cigarettes.” Josh takes his shirt off, balls it up, and throws it besides the air mattress before peeling off his shorts to join Tyler in bed. He stares up at the ceiling as his hands fall onto his stomach. Tyler rolls onto his side and props himself onto his elbow. He can barely make out Josh’s scares under the moonlight.

“I think this is the first time I’ve seen you shirtless,” Tyler whispers. Josh’s eyes flicker over to him.

“You should feel lucky. Nobody ever sees me shirtless.”

“Not even when you go swimming?”

“Never. But I trust you. I trust you a whole fuckin’ lot.”

“I trust you too.” After a few seconds, Tyler slides his shorts off, revealing his own scars. Josh swallows and his Adam’s Apple bobs rapidly. Even though Josh saw him pantless earlier in the day, this was different. Tyler was allowing him to see the damage he had inflicted on himself.

“Can I?” Josh’s hand hovers. Tyler nods, closes his eyes, and Josh’s hands trace along the scars on his thighs. It tickles a little, but Tyler refuses to move.

“Why did you start?” His eyes shoot open. Josh stares at him.

“I didn’t want to be alive. I dreaded waking up every morning. And I thought, if I started, and I went deeper and deeper, that one morning I might just,” he waves his hands around, “bleed out.”

“Is that why you started writing? Started the band?”

“Yeah. It was poetry at first, that I scribbled in notebooks. Then when I realized I could make them songs, that started happening. I don’t know. I just, I didn’t want people to feel like they were alone because I was, and still am, in the same place as them.”

“That’s amazing,” Josh smiles, his fingertips continuing to flutter against Tyler’s sensitive skin. “You would be such an inspiration to everyone.”

“I don’t want to change the world. I just want people to know that they aren’t alone.”

“That should be enough initiative to go out and be a musician.”

Tyler sighs. “Don’t get me wrong, it is. I just, I’m selfish. I have my own doubts.”

“Doubts that stop you?”

“Exactly.”

Josh’s hand is still on his thigh. He squeezes gently before returning them to his lap. “I started for the same reason. I thought that I was an abnormality, a mistake, that God had fucked up by putting me on this Earth. I felt absolutely worthless.”

“Do you still feel worthless?” Tyler holds his breath.

“No,” he says after a few short moments, “I have friends now that give me worth. And I have you.”

When Tyler goes to breathe, oxygen gets stuck in his throat. “What’s that mean?” He croaks out.

“I’ve never met someone like you, Tyler.” Josh’s dark eyes hold him in his gaze. “You, you are such an interesting and fascinating person. You’re addictive.”

“In a good way?”

“Yeah, you’re a good addiction. Like brushing your teeth or drinking water. You’re things I’m supposed to be doing. Things to make my life better. Like, I’ve never met someone I connected with so easily. The night we met, I felt like I was talking to a childhood friend.”

“It did, didn’t it?” Tyler smiles. He can finally breathe. “You’ve made my life easier too, if it means anything.”

Instead of replying right away, Josh rolls over to plant a kiss on Tyler’s forehead. As Tyler blushes underneath Josh’s soft lips, the brunette whispers, “it means the whole frickin’ world.”

 

* * *

 

Tyler wants to go to Colorado.

“I’ve never seen mountains before,” he says excitedly, waving his hands all around, “and I’m pretty sure it’s the farthest I’ve ever been away from home.”

“Are you up for a long drive?” Josh is smirking, his eyebrow raised, like he thinks Tyler won’t be able to handle it. “That’s twelve hours in the truck.”

“We can stop for lunch,” Tyler offers, “and split up the driving between the two of us, just like we’ve been doing. It’ll be a ton of fun. Don’t you wanna see the mountains?”

“Of course I do. I’m just making sure you’ll be fine.”

Tyler rolls his eyes. “I will be absolutely _fantastic,_ Josh. I promise.”

Josh’s smirk widens as he sticks out his pinky finger. “Pinky promise?”

He returns it, squeezing Josh’s pinky tightly with his own. “Pinky promise.”

At first, the drive is kinda boring. They head west towards Nebraska, which doesn’t have much going for it. Tyler knows it gets a lot of tornados, so he keeps a watchful eye in the distance where some storm clouds seem to be forming.

“Have you ever seen a tornado?” Asks Tyler, his hands tight on the wheel. He stays in the passing lane, going a good twenty over the speed limit. A lead foot was his curse.

“Nope. Have you?”

“No, but it’s always been an irrational fear of mine. Like, I know it’s rare to get them in Ohio, but with my luck, it just might happen.”

“One time Utah got a tornado. They happen all over the place. A teacher of mine in high school once called tornadoes the ‘dicks of nature.’”

Tyler laughs. “Why is that?”

“At least with other natural disasters, everyone is affected. Tornadoes don’t follow a pattern. They pick and choose whose lives they want to destroy.”

“Fair enough. That doesn’t help my fear, though. We are in tornado alley.”

“We’ll be fine, Tyler. If anything, just drive really fast.” He pauses to steal a glance at the speedometer. “You’re already going twenty over. We’re fine. If anything, it’s the cops that are gonna slow us down.”

“The cops aren’t gonna catch us,” Tyler says, rolling his eyes. “I’m a great driver.”

“Everyone thinks they’re a great driver. That doesn’t mean it’s true.” Josh is smirking. Tyler sticks his tongue out.

“Wanna listen to music?”

“You’re gonna let me pick?”

“Uh, yeah?” He gestures lamely to his cd collection Josh has become acquainted with over the last week. “You’re making it seem like I’m a control freak when it comes to music.”

“Nah, you just know more than I do.” With a grin, he picks up a blank disc in a store bought, purple case. Josh flips it over and scans the tracks. “Mark seems to make you a lot of mix tapes.”

“Mark says I’m pretentious when it comes to music so he’s trying to humble me,” Tyler explains.

“Do you actually listen to them?”

“I have, once,” he admits sheepishly. Josh chuckles as he removes the cd from its case and places it into the cd slot.

“There are some good ones on here.”

“I don’t doubt it. Mark has good taste in music. I just prefer to listen to the same two albums over and over again.”

“Oh, I see. You’re one of _those_ people.”

Tyler gasps in mock offense. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Josh’s reply is silenced by the song playing over the cd. It takes all of two seconds before Tyler recognizes his own voice. It’s one from his first album. The one he made with Chris and Nick.

Tears flood his eyes. Dammit. He thought he’d be over this by now.

“You knew Mark put my song on here, didn’t you?” Tyler is defensive, bitter, and hurt. He doesn’t know why. He should be happy. He should be honored that Mark felt his music was good enough to make it onto a mix tape.

But he isn’t. Because he knows how stupid it is to have dreams.

“You said I could pick,” Josh says softly.

“Yeah? Well, you’re an asshole.” Tyler turns the radio off. His hands shake.

Josh sets the cd case down and turns to look out the window.

 

* * *

 

They stop for lunch at a Taco Bell connected to a gas station. There are more semi-trucks here than cars, so it doesn’t seem like the line is gonna be that long. Despite that fact, and that Tyler is starving, he doesn’t move after turning the truck off.

Josh is fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. The silence between them is heavy and Tyler kinda feels like he’s drowning.

“You aren’t an asshole,” he’s blunt, loud. Josh turns his head. “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t think things through. It’s okay. It was wrong of me to do that.” He scratches his nose. “I thought... I dunno. I thought it would make things easier, better. Remind you of the good times.”

“It did remind me of the good times. I think that’s what made me so mad.” Outside, a family walks into the gas station. Tyler watches. “I don’t know. I know it’s not anyone’s fault. I just hated the way things ended up.”

“You don’t have to give up,” Josh replies. “You can keep going. I’ll be there to help, if you need it.”

Tyler’s heart falls into his stomach. He turns his head and bunches his hands together in his lap. “What?”

“Tyler, if you told me you needed help killing someone, I would drop everything to help you. I mean it. If you want to keep this music thing going but you’re afraid you won’t be able to do it alone, I can help. I mean, I do play drums, you know. I know two is a lot harder to truly be a band than three or four, but it’s better than having to do it all on your own, don’t you think?”

“You...” He can’t bring himself to say it. Josh understands, though. He touches Tyler’s knee again.

“I want to help you,” his voice is soft and calm. “You said you didn’t have a plan B. Guess what? I don’t either. We can figure this out together.”

Great. Tyler’s crying again. He ducks his head so nobody outside the truck can see him, but Josh has already seen him cry so he doesn’t really care at this point. Josh unbuckles his seatbelt so he can pull Tyler into a tight hug. His hands are warm, protective, and something Tyler has never really had. He never wants to let go.

As he buries his head in the crook of Josh’s neck, Josh smooths down his greasy hair and tells him it’s going to be okay, that’s everything is going to be _okay._

“You don’t have to be alone,” Josh tells him.

Tyler says through his tears, “let’s go into Taco Bell.”

 

* * *

 

Lunch is quiet and quick. Josh doesn’t say anything about Tyler’s red rimmed eyes he notices in the gas station restroom.

It’s Josh’s turn to drive, so Tyler climbs into the passenger side and leans his head against the window. He tries to rest, feeling emotionally and physically exhausted from his latest cry session. He’s glad Josh is just as emotional as him, or he’d feel dumb. He remembers dating this girl in high school who told him that his crying was unattractive.

“Men shouldn’t cry,” she said. Tyler thought that was stupid. Society was stupid for setting specific gender norms and characteristics.

He manages to sleep for a while though, and dreams of his future. He stares at a crowd of people, maybe fifty beings cheering for him, as he sings into a microphone. Tyler falls to his knees and begins to cry. The cheering grows louder. They don’t care that he’s crying. They cry with him. They support him.

In his dream, Tyler grins.

In his dream, nothing is unreachable.

The sun is starting to set when Tyler decides to open his eyes. The radio is on a low hum; Josh is listening to The Killers. He smiles, because Josh doesn’t usually listen to Tyler’s favorite band.

“I didn’t think you’d be listening to them,” Tyler points out. He’s polite and his shaking hands rub the fabric of his shorts.

Josh shrugs. “You like them. I was thinking of you, so.” Another shrug. Josh is blushing. “I know you needed your rest, so it was like you were here with me without needing to actually be conscious.”

 _Hot Fuss_ is playing. Tyler begins to chew on the inside of his bottom lip as he studies Josh’s face in the golden light. His bruises are starting to yellow. “Are you in pain?”

“No. I’m fine.” He stares at the road, uses the blinker to pass a slow car. “My nose is sore, but it’s not like, a burning pain anymore.”

“That’s good. The internet says it should heal in a couple weeks, so maybe by the end of next week, it’ll be fully healed.”

“Crooked and all,” is Josh’s addition to that statement.

“Crooked and all,” Tyler repeats, because he doesn’t really know what else to say. He peers over at the GPS mounted to the dashboard. “Only a few more hours.”

“Yeah, we’re almost there. How are you feeling?”

“I’m good. A nap helped, I think.”

“You were crying in your sleep,” Josh says. He looks over for a second. “Was it a bad dream?”

“No,” Tyler shakes his head, “it was... it was a revelation, I think.” A pause. “Josh, when you said you would help me, did you mean with the band?”

“That was part of it.”

“You’d help me with shows for my shitty one person band.”

Josh laughs. “If I’m helping, it’s a shitty two person band.” Tyler says nothing. There’s a loose thread on the end of his khaki shorts that he starts picking at. It unravels, longer and longer, until Tyler manages to break it off. “Why do you think I wouldn’t want to help? You know I play drums.”

“I mean, you got other stuff to do.”

“Not really.” His voice is firm. “Besides, I don’t really do shit with House of Heroes anymore. They have their drummer back and I don’t have much to do on my own. You’ve gotten a lot farther than I have in this music making process.”

“I...” Tyler swallows thickly. He knows Josh understands, but still struggles with getting the words out. “I had to cancel a show because I couldn’t do it on my own. I wanted to ask for your help, but the words wouldn’t come out. So instead, I asked you to run away with me.”

“Nah man, I get it. It’s hard to ask for help, sometimes. I learned that when I finally told my parents I wanted to see a therapist. It’s like... you gotta admit it to yourself first.” Josh clears his throat. “If Twenty One Pilots needs any help in the future, I’m here. I swear to God, I’m here.”

“Thank you,” he replies, reaching out to touch Josh’s arm. It’s quick and comfortable, and they both smile. “I still, like, I don’t want to go back yet. I wanna keep going.”

“Me too. When we get to Denver, why don’t we get a motel and see what there is to do around here? I think we both could use a shower.”

“Yeah, my junk is starting to smell.”

“Gross.”

“Exactly.” Tyler’s giggle is pure and happy. He can’t remember the last time he’s described himself as happy. “Hey, you haven’t smoked today.”

“Haven’t felt the need.” Josh winks at him. The corners of his mouth are still twitched up in a half-smile.

 

* * *

 

The motel is better than the one in St. Louis. Tyler hauls their bags in and props them on a nearby desk while Josh flees to the bathroom, already tugging off his shorts. They get stuck around his ankles and he nearly falls flat on his face.

Tyler puts a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter as he pulls clothes out of his duffel bag. The air conditioning in this room is ice cold, so he decides on a pair of flannel pajamas. Tyler still wore long pants in summer, feeling like all his clothes deserved a chance. Besides, when he felt cozy, he could pretend it was fall, his most favorite season of them all.

“Holy shit. Tyler!” Josh calls from the bathroom. He pokes his head out, his hair sticking up where he ran his fingers through it.

“Yes?”

“The body wash is fucking _strawberry._ Dude, you gotta smell this shit. It’s so good. This is the best motel ever.”

Tyler doesn’t hide his laughter this time. “Okay dork, so don’t hog all of it. I’ll shower after you.”

Josh looks at Tyler’s flannel pajamas. “I like those. They look good on you.”

“Thanks,” he replies. Josh winks and shuts the bathroom door.

While Josh showers, Tyler flips through the channels on the television and decides on a rerun of _Seinfeld._ He scratches at his face, presses a finger against a forming stress pimple, and snaps the rubber band against his wrist. He thinks about Josh smoking, about Josh not smoking. It could have been him that got addicted to cigarettes. Instead, he got addicted to the pain.

It was a pain Josh knew and understood. A pain that didn’t belong to him, but to them.

Josh comes out of the bathroom with a towel low on his hips, exposing deep V lines. Steam wafts into the bedroom as Tyler's face turns red.

“I’m gonna name the bear Chicago,” he says, “because.”

“Because what?”

A shrug. Tyler is pretty sure he knows why. “Just because.” He pulls clothes out of his bag and gestures towards the bathroom. “Get in. I don’t want your stinky junk next to me tonight.”

“Okay, but you don’t know what you’re missing out on,” Tyler teases, sliding off the queen sized bed.

“And use the fuckin’ body wash! It’ll change your life.”

“Promise?” Tyler pauses to stick his tongue out. Josh flips him the bird.

“Pinky promise.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey Tyler, stay still. I wanna take pictures.”

They’re on some hiking trail, high up in the rocky mountains. Tyler has a jacket on because it’s a bit chilly. It’s black and he keeps pulling on the strings to keep them even. For some reason, they keep moving and it’s pissing him off.

He’s trying to not let it bother him, though.

“More pictures? Josh, I’m pretty sure your entire camera roll is just pictures of me.”

Josh scoffs and raises an eyebrow as he steadies his phone. His tongue pokes out the corner of his mouth. “And that’s a bad thing?”

“You haven’t even shown me the ones at the bean.”

“You can see all the pictures I’ve taken when I’m done.”

“Wait, what?” Tyler raises his hands high into the air, ruining Josh’s take and causing him to scowl. “How many pictures have you taken of me?”

“Can you blame me? You’re so photogenic. It’s adorable. Now please, hold still. This is like, a perfect shot.”

“Pretty sure it would look better without me in it.” He smirks and flashes a peace sign. Josh blows a raspberry.

“I will come over there and nail your feet to the ground. Stay still!”

Tyler finally listens. He forces himself to smile and be somewhat cooperative as Josh snaps a billion and one pictures. Josh pauses afterward to scroll through before nodding his head in approval.

“There. Was that so hard?”

“Can I take pictures of you?”

“I’ll do you one better.” Josh joins him by his side and wraps an arm around Tyler’s shoulders as he flips to the front facing camera. “Smile!”

Tyler listens. They even take one with Tyler’s head resting on Josh’s shoulder. It’s cute.

“I want that one framed on my wall.” They continue walking. Josh has a small backpack he picked up at Walmart when they bought stuff to make sandwiches. Josh also shoved his leftover Oreos in there, as well as their last two Redbulls. Tyler made him promise they would get more.

“You drink too much Redbull,” Josh told him.

“There is no such thing,” Tyler replied, sticking his nose into the air playfully.

Josh wiggles his eyebrows as he rejoins Tyler on the hiking trail. “I’ll make sure to get it framed for you. Dude, you’re going to love the collage I’m making.”

“I bet you took so many ugly pictures of me.”

He gasps. “There is no such thing as an ugly picture of you, Tyler Joseph.”

Tyler laughs. “I beg to differ. There are lots of ugly photos of me.”

“Nope,” Josh argues.

“Yes,” Tyler argues back.

That goes on for a while, up until they reach another lookout point and decide to stop for lunch. Josh takes out a baguette, a container of mustard, and a small packet of ham and cheese, respectively, as Tyler sits on the bench beside him.

“Heads up,” he tosses a Redbull towards Tyler without looking, and fortunately, Tyler has enough hand-eye coordination to catch it. He pops the tab and chugs half the can before coming up for air.

Josh is smug. “Maybe if you drank as much water as you do energy drinks, you wouldn’t be breaking out.”

“Hey, fuck you, man.” Tyler sticks his tongue out. “Water has never done shit for me.”

“It’s kept you alive. You’re like, eighty percent water, I’m pretty sure.” He winks and raises an Oreo towards the sky. “To us.”

With a shake of his head, Tyler clinks his Redbull can against Josh’s Oreo. “To us.”

 

* * *

 

The two decide to leave later that evening and head down towards Zion National Park in southern Utah. Neither of them has been, and, according to Josh, it’s supposed to be “like, totally beautiful.”

Colorado was also really beautiful, but besides the hike they did, there wasn’t much else to do. They were both fine with it, because there was so much more to be seen, and finally, they were feeling pretty okay.

“If you do this band thing,” Josh says, playing with the knobs on Tyler’s car radio, “do you think you’ll ever get to leave Ohio?”

The question isn’t completely out of the blue. Josh had been talking about where he had gotten the opportunity to tour while with House of Heroes. As it turned out, Josh had already seen the mountains before. Tyler told him it was okay, but deep down, it hurt a little bit. He wished Josh had gotten to experience his first time with Tyler like Tyler did with him.

Tyler shrugs. He’s driving, his hands on ten and two, just like he was taught. “I don’t know. I’d like to think I will. At best, I’ll stay regional. That would still be pretty cool.” He smiles to himself. “People in Michigan and Indiana and even Pennsylvania, coming to our shows.”

Josh doesn’t say anything about the fact that Tyler referred to the band as “theirs,” even though Tyler had informally accepted Josh’s offer to help. He’d ask properly one day.

What he does say is this. “Regional at best. That’d be a cool name for a song, or an album, or something.”

“Hmmm.” Tyler nods his head. “It would, wouldn’t it?”

Josh decides that the volume can stay on five. It’s barely audible. “I’m no expert, but I like the name of that. That would be cool, having people from other states listening to your music. Not many bands are able to get out of their small town.”

“That’s why they write songs about it,” teases Tyler. He rests his arm on the center console and continues driving with one hand. It’s not as safe, but feels more natural. “If I ever write a song about wanting to get out of my small ass town, please thwack me on the head.”

“Thwack?” Repeats Josh.

“Thwack,” Tyler confirms. They share a smile, and Josh too rests his arm next to Tyler’s. Josh’s warmth makes the hairs on Tyler’s arm stand straight up, but it’s worth it.

It’s always worth it.

 

* * *

 

After about six hours of driving, the two of them are too tired to go on, so Tyler pulls over into some rinky dink town in central Utah and parks at the first gas station he can find. It’s a little shady, but he figures they’re in Utah; how bad is it really gonna be?

The crickets are loud when Tyler turns the truck off and opens the door. He decides on sleeping in his boxers, because it’s so hot outside, he thinks he might actually melt if he decided to another layer of clothes on.

He decides to not brush his teeth either, because it’s almost one in the morning and he’s really tired. Josh leans against the bed of the truck with a lit cigarette in his hand and sighs as he stares into the inky darkness of the night time sky. Even though Tyler is struggling to keep his eyelids open, he watches Josh and the orange glow of the embers at the end of his cigarette. The smell of nicotine coats in the inside of his nostrils.

“Everything okay?” Tyler asks, because he wants to know why Josh is sitting here smoking.

“I uhm, I sent pictures to my brother.”

“Jordan, right?” Tyler forces himself to sit up and he pulls the blanket into his lap. Josh smiles.

“Yeah. Yeah, his name is Jordan. But, like, Jordan doesn’t have a phone, so I sent them to my parents' phone, asking them to show him. I just thought... well, I knew he would enjoy the mountains.” Even now, Josh is looking at the towering mountains that look like giants in the faraway darkness. He flicks the ash off his cigarette and takes another drag. Tyler’s eyes have settled enough to see that Josh’s face is pale. “They... I don’t think they showed him. I think they’re still upset with me. I dunno. Maybe it’s dumb.”

“Of course it’s not dumb.” Tyler scampers across the air mattress, listening to it creak under his weight until he’s down near the opening on the truck. He lets his legs hang off and reaches for Josh’s free hand. Their fingers tangle together; Josh is cold. “He’s your brother. You want to show him the things you’re doing.”

“Have you talked to anyone else in your family?”

“Uh, no. Not really.” His shoulders move limply. “I know I should, but the only person I’m really close with is Zack. Maddy and Jay, they’re just, they’re really young and I don’t really think they understand what goes on.”

“I get it. Jordan’s only fourteen. I got younger sisters, too.” Even though his cigarette isn’t finished, Josh drops it on the ground and stomps on it. Without letting go of Tyler’s hand, he settles in next to Tyler on the end of the truck bed and sighs. “That’s the thing about traveling, though. You don’t really get to see your loved ones very often.”

“We aren’t meant to stay with them our entire lives. People leave, go off to college and work, visit during the holidays. We just happen to--”

“Still be stuck in Ohio,” Josh interrupts with a huff. He tilts his head upwards and looks at the sky. It’s a clear night and they can make out some stars. “How cool would it be to go into space? To travel and never look back.”

“Technically, we’re doing that right now. The only downside is that we can breathe on our own.” Tyler grins sheepishly, causing Josh to roll his eyes. He’s smiling too.

“I guess I’d rather have oxygen. One day though.”

“One day,” Tyler agrees. He looks over at his friend and runs his thumb over the top of Josh’s hand. Josh’s hair is curling at the nape of his neck. It’s really long.

There’s a pause as Tyler untangles his fingers from Josh’s and moves them to the back of Josh’s head. Josh hums in appreciation as Tyler’s slender fingers sink into his hair and his nails scratch the bottom of his scalp.

“Feels good,” he murmurs. His hand settles on Tyler’s scarred thigh and squeezes gently. “I like your thighs.”

“My thighs, huh?”

“They’re good thighs.”

Tyler chuckles. “Thank you.”

They stay quiet, sitting on the edge of the truck bed, watching the stars and passing cars in the distance. Josh’s hand never leaves Tyler’s thigh and Tyler continues playing with Josh’s long hair. Eventually, Josh strips down to his boxers too, and they close the trunk up to prepare for sleep. According to the GPS, they’ll only have three hours left in the morning before arriving at the outskirts of the park. They talked about going to see the arches; Josh claimed it would be a perfect addition to his ‘Tyler collage.’ Tyler had only shaken his head and hid his smile.

In bed, they lay close to each other. It’s hot, and their skin is slick. They kicked the blanket to their feet almost immediately after climbing in.

Tyler stares at the ceiling. Josh holds his hand again. Normally, he would be self conscious about holding his friend’s hand in public, but there’s no one around to say anything, and besides, it’s Josh. Josh makes him okay with a whole lot of things.

“My last relationship was with a guy named Eli,” Josh’s whispers tickle Tyler’s ear. He listens. “We met while I was touring with the band. He was really nice, invited us out to a bar. We sat down, got a drink, and started talking about drumming. He played drums too, so we exchanged some techniques. And then, one thing led to another, and he kissed me. It was like that moment in every cliche romance movie where sparks fly and there are fireworks. With Eli, I felt so safe. We spent so much time together. But things didn’t work out.”

“I’m sorry,” Tyler is soft. Josh raises their mashed hands up to study them. His thumb slides over the top of Tyler’s hand before he lowers them back between their sticky bodies.

“After that, I kind of just stayed away from dating and love. I didn’t feel like it was for me.”

“I know that feeling.” Tyler sniffs and rubs his nose with his free hand. “My last relationship was like, three years ago. I was eighteen. We met at church. She was... she was nice. She could deal with me. I felt safe around her.”

“But?” Of course. There’s always a but, always more to a story.

“But, she left for college, and I stayed in Powell. End of story.”

“You don’t talk?”

“No. According to Facebook, she’s engaged to some rockin’ stud.”

Josh breathes through his nose loudly. “Guess we both kinda suck at love, huh?”

“I think it’s human nature to suck at love. Some people just manage to suck a little less.”

“Amen to that.” Josh’s head shifts so his forehead rests against Tyler’s shoulder. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah. It’s nice to be close to someone.”

“It is nice,” Josh says, closing his eyes. His body is limp, calm, but his fingers are aware and awake. They do not move from Tyler’s. “I love you, man. I’m so glad we met.”

“It’s too late for you to be a big sap. I can’t cry right now. My tear ducts are exhausted.” They both giggle together. It’s sharp against the walls of the plastic shell protecting the inside of Tyler’s truck.

“I’m just saying.”

“I know. I love you too.”

“Good,” Josh says. His foot presses against Tyler’s ankle, and as a gesture of friendship, Tyler moves his leg over so it sits on top of Josh’s.

“We can play footsies in the morning,” he murmurs. Josh smiles against Tyler’s shoulder.

“Goodnight. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

 

* * *

 

They are damp in the morning, covered in sweat and dew from the open windows. Tyler wakes up first and reaches for his phone. He has more text messages from Mark.

_Do you really think you’ll be gone for a whole month?_

Does he?

Tyler looks over at Josh sleeping next to him and sighs. No, he doesn’t think that. They might feel ready to take on the world, but it’s only been a week.

After a few more seconds, Tyler calls Mark. He’s a lot less angry this time around.

“Hey.” His voice is firm yet soft. “How are you?”

“Good.” Tyler touches the small of Josh’s back and smiles to himself. “Mark, I think I’m falling in love.”

“With who?” A pause. Mark comes to a conclusion in record time. “Oh.”

“He said he’d help me out with the band.”

“That’s good. Josh is a really good guy.” Mark clears his throat. “So, like, does that mean you guys are gonna come home soon? Where are you?”

“We’re in Utah, visiting Zion. I think we might go to the Grand Canyon afterward. I haven’t exactly talked to Josh about it, but I know he’ll be down.”

“Wow, you’re pretty far away. What time is it?”

“Almost ten, I think. You’re what, two hours ahead?”

“Yeah.” There’s an awkward silence between them that Mark tries to fill by clearing his throat once again. “I didn’t know you... swung that way.”

“I didn’t know I did either,” Tyler admits, still looking at Josh. His hair covers his eyes and there’s a little spot of drool on his pillow. “I guess I never really thought about having any attraction to someone of the opposite sex, but here we are.”

“Have you guys kissed or anything?”

“No.”

“You should kiss him,” offers Mark. Tyler snorts. It’s loud enough that Josh stirs and Tyler takes his hand off the brunette’s back.

“I’m not gonna do that. What if he doesn’t like me back?”

“Oh honey.” Mark blows a raspberry. “If you can’t see the way he’s looked at you since day one, you must be blind.”

A frown. “Whaddya mean?”

“I could see him at the show that night. His eyes never left you. Josh didn’t even know who you were. He came because Chris invited him.”

Tyler has run out of excuses. “It’s just not right yet. We’re still getting to know each other.”

“You’ve known each other for like four months. That’s plenty of time to get to know someone. Maybe if you two bang, you’ll stop being so Goddamn moody all the time!”

 _“Mark!”_ Tyler whisper-yells into the receiver. Mark breaks out into laughter.

“Sorry, sorry. You know I want you to be happy. If Josh makes you happy, then I want that for you.”

“He does make me happy.”

“Good. Keep me updated, okay? Shoot me a text if you do end up going to the Grand Canyon. I’ll call the police to fish your body out when your clumsy ass falls in.”

“Fuck off,” Tyler says, grinning. Mark laughs again.

“Love you, Ty. Talk to you soon.”

“Love you too.” The call ends and Tyler sets his phone down. Josh stirs next to him, his hand clasping Tyler’s thigh just like it had last night. He smacks his lips a couple of times and groans.

“I’m tired.”

“Hi tired, I’m Dad.” Tyler sticks his tongue out as Josh groans again and shoves his head under the pillow. He pops up two seconds later and leans back just enough for his spine to crack. Tyler cringes.

“So, I make you happy, huh?” Josh raises an eyebrow as Tyler blushes.

“You heard that?”

“Maybe.” He fishes for the t-shirt he wore yesterday and pulls it over his bare chest. “Don’t be embarrassed. You make me happy too.”

“How much did you hear?” Tyler prays Josh was still unconscious for the bit about making out with him.

“Just that bit. Was that Mark?”

“How’d you know?”

“Just a guess.” He grins. “Can we get breakfast? I’m starving.”

“We’ll have to reload on food too if we plan on hiking to the arches.”

“That too. We’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

“Awesome. Can I borrow your deodorant?” He unclips the door and lets it bang loudly before sliding to the ground. Tyler presses his lips together.

“Uh, why?”

“Smells like you,” Josh replies like it’s completely obvious. Tyler blushes again.

“As long as you do something, sure, because you stink.”

He laughs. “We’ll shower tonight, okay?”

“Okay.” Tyler’s last thought is the hope that they might actually shower together.

Y’know, for water conservation.

 

* * *

 

They eat a proper breakfast at IHOP, if “proper” is even the correct term to use. It’s not McDonald's though, so it’s proper to them. After all-you-can-eat-pancakes, they head to the grocery store to pack for the thirteen mile trek ahead of them. Josh makes them buy more water because he’s scared Tyler might die of what he coined “Redbull overdose.”

“That won’t happen,” Tyler argued.

“If you say so,” Josh replied, touching Tyler’s back on the way to the register. Tyler stood for a couple long seconds in the middle of the cereal aisle letting Josh’s touch linger.

He’s glad he brought proper sneakers for hiking. Josh has been doing all his hiking in Vans that look almost a decade old.

“Are you gonna be okay in those shoes?” Tyler asks, adjusting the straps of the backpack. He offered to carry it this time, since Josh had back in Colorado.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I wore ‘em yesterday, and no blisters yet.” He grins as he pulls his sunglasses out of the glove compartment. “These shoes have been very good to me.”

“We got thirteen miles of pure beauty ahead of us,” Tyler stares into the landscape, huffing at the beauty of the red mountains stretching on forever.

“Is that cause you’re gonna be walking in front of me?” Josh winks as he locks the car and beckons for Tyler to follow.

Tyler’s cheeks turn red, which isn’t a surprise. “Very funny.”

“You know I’m gonna take so many pictures, all the way up until Kolob Arch.”

“Pictures of me?” He’s smirking now. Josh sticks his tongue out and runs farther up the path.

 

* * *

 

The hike to the arches is quiet at first, because they are taking in the beauty separately, differently, snapping photographs of the towering boulders and trickling streams. Tyler sends a couple to Mark with what little bars he has and pockets his phone to take some mental pictures instead. He knows it’s corny, but part of him wants to be able to remember this moment without letting anyone else see it too. Right now, this is his fantasy.

“Here,” Josh stops Tyler with his hand and positions him in front of some rocks. “Put your foot up here.” Tyler obeys, letting Josh move his appendages where he wants for this photo. His back to the mountainside and his foot up on a rock, Tyler rests his hands on his hips and smiles as big as he possibly can.

Josh’s phone clicks and he grins back, waving it around. “Perfect. Seriously. You always look so damn good.”

“I do not,” Tyler rolls his eyes, but he’s still grinning as he makes his way back down to the trail. Josh opens his camera roll and holds his phone up with firmness in his eyes.

“I will allow you to see this one early, only because I think you look so badass in it.”

“Okay,” Tyler nods, making grabby motions with his hands. “Lemme see.”

Josh does. And he’s not lying, either. Tyler does look kinda badass in it, especially with the gigantic red rocks behind him. That smile never leaves his face.

“Okay, fine. I do look kinda cool.”

“Told you.” Josh pokes him in the nose. “Can we stop for lunch now? Or do you wanna keep going?”

“Nah, lunch sounds great.” He points a little up the trail where there are some flat rocks sitting next to a creek. Together, they take the few strides to the perfect picnic place and begin gathering their lunch. This time they had gotten pre-made sub sandwiches from the deli just so clean up would be smoother and they could get back on the trail.

The sun shines high above them, sending sweat down the nape of their necks. Tyler wipes his own as Josh hands him a Redbull and his sandwich.

“Thanks. How are your feet?”

“Great. How are you?”

“In general?” Josh has already unwrapped his sub and nods with his mouth full. “I’m fine.”

He swallows. “Good. That’s good.”

Tyler narrows his eyes at him, wondering why Josh was asking, but he decides to drop it. “Your bruises look so much better.”

Josh snorts. “Yeah, that’s the correct term. Better. I look like I’m ill. Oh, and you totally didn’t tell me I had eye boogers. That was gross.”

A shrug. “I didn’t notice.”

“Sure you didn’t.” He raises an eyebrow playfully as he takes his next bite. “Oh well. At least they are healing.”

“Exactly.”

Josh laughs. “Look at us. You’re trying to be optimistic and I’m the one poking holes in your theory.”

Tyler leans back and crosses his arms. “Are you suggesting that I poke holes in your theories?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you agree with anything I’ve said on the first time.”

“I told you I like to argue.”

“Even now, you’re arguing with me.” He bites his tongue mid-smile, and it might possibly be the cutest thing Tyler has ever seen in his short twenty-one years of life.

“Sorry. It’s just a habit, I guess.”

“Nothing wrong with it. You’re just lucky I can deal with you.” Josh sets his sandwich down and slides off his shoes and socks. Tyler watches him stand and wade into the water. It only goes up to his ankles, but it’s still enough for him to splash towards Tyler.

“Hey!” Tyler screams, covering his face as water hits the side of his head. Josh bursts into tiny giggles and backs up away from their lunch, further down the creek. “I’m gonna kill you!”

“No, you aren’t!” Josh shouts back, turning around to face Tyler’s incoming wrath. Tyler struggles to get his socks off and splashes a ton of water everywhere before finally climbing in after Josh. He scoops water into his hands and chucks it towards the brunette as hard as he can. Still laughing, Josh kicks water up towards Tyler once more, falling into him when he tries to take a step backward. Tyler tumbles back into the stream, Josh on top of him, and feels a rock dig into his shoulder. The pain numbs as he stares in his best friend’s eyes and swallows thickly. The two of them are drenched in creek water with their faces flushed, big smiles, and small touches on each other’s arms. Tyler thinks this would be a pretty good time to kiss Josh.

Instead, Josh clears his throat, picks himself up, and offers Tyler a hand. “Did you land on any rocks?”

“Yeah,” Tyler replies, peeling his wet shirt from his body. Josh turns him around and gently pads his fingers over his shoulders.

“You have a scrape here that will probably bruise. Is that first aid stuff still in there?”

“Should be.”

“Alright. Come here, you.” He pushes Tyler back down onto the flat rock with their food and digs through the backpack until he finds that numbing cream they had been using for Josh’s nose. Josh rubs it onto Tyler’s back gently, and although it stings, Tyler keeps his mouth shut and his eyes closed.

“Sorry,” Josh says, “I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.”

“It’s okay. Seriously. Besides,” he stretches, tilting his head towards the sky when Josh’s touch leaves his skin, “it’s hot out here. That felt great.”

“Guess that’s enough water for you today, huh?” Even with his eyes closed, Tyler knows Josh has a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Fuck you, Josh.”

“Eat your food, Tyler,” he replies, balling up his trash.

 

* * *

 

They take more pictures after getting to Kolob Arch, and Josh once again makes Tyler stand in front. Tyler snaps a few candids of Josh for his private collection, just because he knows Josh will never stand still for him to take a decent photo.

“Come take a picture with me,” Tyler demands forcefully, beckoning Josh over with his impatience. Josh bounds over like a puppy and tosses his arm over Tyler’s shoulders just like he had back in Colorado. They squint, the sun in their eyes despite the sunglasses, and smile big, cheesy smiles for the sake of the photo.

After about a hundred and fifty pictures later, Josh pockets his phone and stares up at the arches before turning his head back towards the other boy. “Where to next?”

Tyler runs his hand through his hair and jabs a thumb behind him. “I was thinking we’d go see the Grand Canyon.”

“Is that the one with all the faces?”

“Josh, oh my God.” Tyler laughs as Josh makes his way down the hill to join Tyler back on the path.

“I was kidding!”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes!” He reaches out to touch Tyler’s shirt that’s still a little damp and runs his thumb over the fabric. “Yes.”

“We still gotta hike thirteen miles back first, though.”

Josh ignores that bit. “How long is the drive?”

“Two hours.”

“Yes!” His thumb is still on Tyler’s shirt sleeve. “Let’s do it!”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Josh lets go, pats his shoulder. “I got all the pictures I need. Ready to go back?”

“Yep.” Josh takes Tyler’s hand in his, and they walk back with their hands entangled between them.

 

* * *

 

After twenty-six miles of hiking and two hours of driving later, the boys arrive on the outskirts of the Grand Canyon National Park feeling absolutely exhausted. Josh offers to pay for a motel room, so they clamber in, letting their bags drag behind them, and faceplant into the bed.

“I don’t want to move for an entire week,” Josh mumbles into his pillow.

“Do your feet hurt?” Tyler smirks into his pillow.

“Uh... yeah.”

Tyler rolls over and stares at the ceiling. “Don’t worry, I think we’re done hiking for a while. Smack some band-aids on your blisters and you’ll be ready to go.”

“You left that stuff in the car though.”

“I did, yeah.”

“Tyler,” Josh whines, “I don’t want to get up.”

“I’ll get it for you in a couple seconds. I just need to lay here for like--”

“A week?”

“Exactly.” They both laugh softly. Josh groans into his pillow and wraps his arms around it. “Am I being replaced with a pillow?”

Josh lifts his face up just enough to give Tyler a smirk. “I could never replace you.” _Smack._ His head goes back down. Tyler begins to tug on his rubber band.

“Hey,” he starts, wanting to stop the silence from growing because he’s kinda selfish like that, “I think I saw a pool when we drove in.”

Josh lifts his head again. “A pool, huh?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Tyler slides off the bed and pads to the front window to peek out through the blinds. The pool is tucked off to a corner on their right side and he points. “There it is! No one is out there.”

“That means I’d have to get out of bed and put my trunks on.”

“Yeah, but it also means _swimming,”_ Tyler presses, jumping back on the bed. He lands practically on top of Josh, causing him to laugh and push Tyler off of him.

“I dunno...”

Tyler sighs. “You can lay on your back and float. It will make you feel like, relaxed and stuff. C’mon, please?”

A pause. Josh sighs. “Fine.”

“Yes!” Tyler pumps his fist and once again moves to get off the bed. He can hear Josh replicating his movements on the other side as he digs through his duffle bag for his multi-colored gingham swim shorts.

“You’re lucky I can’t say no to you.”

Tyler turns to look at him. He smiles.

Truth be told, Tyler isn’t thinking about swimming. He’s thinking about Josh. Josh, with his yellowing bruises and crooked nose and his long, curly hair. His straight white teeth, long legs, his gauges, and his _eyes._ God, his _eyes._ Tyler loved the way they scrunched up when he smiled.

“I’m gonna change in the bathroom, let me know when you’re ready to go.” Josh blinks at him, touches his shoulder, before the bathroom door shuts. Tyler shakes his thoughts out of his head.

 

* * *

 

There’s a hot tub too, right next to the swimming pool illuminated with light. Tyler tosses their motel provided towels onto two lounge chairs before tiptoeing to the edge. Even though there isn’t anyone around, he isn’t completely sure if they are allowed to be out here this late at night. Either way, he’s not leaving, not when there’s a big, cold body of water in front of him. He’s probably sweated an entire ocean this past week.

Tyler dips his big toe in the water at the deep end as Josh rests his hand on the railing and descends the stairs. He squirms a little before plopping down on the second to last step. The water sits at his belly button.

“It’s cold,” Josh says bluntly. Tyler nods his head.

“You just have to go for it, man.”

“Says the guy who dipped a single toe in the water.”

Tyler clucks his tongue, and before Josh can say anything else, he jumps in.

He’s always loved water. It kept him safe, protected on all sides, with nothing to hurt him. It’s the reason he loved taking baths. He could sit in that warm water for hours, and even longer if he had a colorful, good smelling bath bomb.

When his feet touch the ground, Tyler opens his eyes. All he sees is blue.

He lets himself sit at the bottom, his cheeks puffed until he can no longer hold his breath. As soon as he surfaces, Josh stands up.

“You good?”

Tyler treads water and rubs the water out of his eyes.

“I’m good.”

Josh half-smiles before pushing off the step and further into the pool. He disappears under the water for a couple seconds and comes up dramatically, whipping his hair back so hard that water droplets fly everywhere. Tyler giggles.

He lays on his back and floats, the slight breeze in the desert air causing tiny ripples in the water. “This does feel nice, actually.”

“I told you.” Tyler joins Josh in floating, keeping all his weight at his center. He stretches his arms out and stares into the royal blue sky. He counts the stars. “I’ve always loved the water.”

“Yeah?” Josh's voice raises questioningly, beckoning him to continue.

“It’s always been safe. Calm. You know, there for me. Like, when I need it, I can go to it, no matter where I am. I can take a bath, or a shower, or jump in a pool.”

“Yet you won’t drink it,” teases Josh.

“I try to. It just happens that Redbull is a lot better.”

A laugh. It’s short and sweet. “I know the feeling.”

“Yeah.” There’s a slight pause, filled with the lapping of the water against the pool’s edge and the wind whistling over the shingles of the roof. “You didn’t smoke today.”

“Oh. You’re right.”

“Good day, then?”

“It was a pretty good day. You kept me busy.” Josh shifts so his elbows are resting on the lower lip of the pool where the filter hides. The water laps at his shoulders and Tyler doesn’t see to know that Josh is currently standing on the tips of his toes.

Tyler sinks too, below the water to smooth his hair back before making his way over to the other boy. He looks at him, a hint of a smile on his face, and takes a deep breath.

“I’ve waited so long for a moment like this,” he says softly, taking one stroke over to Josh. Josh tilts his head and looks at him with an eyebrow quirked.

“What are you talking about?”

He’s going to do it. No more waiting, no more wishing, no more dreaming about what could have been.

“I’m talking about this,” Tyler gestures to the enclosed area of the pool around them, protected by a metal fence. He reaches out to place his hands on Josh’s wet shoulders and pauses for a second before jumping up around Josh’s waist.

Startled, Josh teeters forward, trying to catch his balance as Tyler wraps his legs around Josh’s back and allows Josh’s hands to rest on the curve of his ass. He blinks, watching the confusion in Josh’s eyes turn into arousal as Tyler leans inwards.

When their mouths meet, there are fireworks. Tyler knows how cliche that sounds, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care because every single romance movie he’s seen suddenly doesn’t seem as stupid as it had in the months before. With Josh’s mouth pressed against his, he feels unstoppable. He feels invincible.

Josh’s hands slip into his swim trunks, warm against his bare skin, as he deepens the kiss and licks the roof of Tyler’s mouth. Tyler moans softly, his hands pulling at Josh’s hair, wanting him, wanting _more._

Josh is everything. He is the blue of the sky, the green in the grass, the warmth in the air. He is a priceless work of art that deserves to be preserved in a museum. He is Tyler’s muse, Tyler’s love, Tyler’s entire world.

“Oh my God,” Josh mumbles against Tyler’s lips. Tyler moves to kiss him again, runs his teeth across Josh’s bottom lip before going back under.

With a grunt, Josh pushes off of the wall, causing Tyler to tighten his legs around Josh’s waist as he turns around and moves to set Tyler down on the edge of the pool. Tyler’s eyebrows knit in confusion when Josh pulls away.

“What?”

“We gotta go to the bedroom, man. We gotta.” Josh shakes his head, his cheeks flushed, as he looks up at Tyler with hooded eyes. “We gotta go to the bedroom.”

Tyler blacks out between the pool and the motel room. He’s in a haze of pleasure, because his lips never leave the surface of Josh’s skin.

Josh is kicking off his swim trunks by the time he falls backward onto the bed. They are still soaking wet, making the sheets damp as Josh bends his legs at the knee and spreads them wide.

“There’s stuff in my bag.”

“Even with--”

Josh looks up at the ceiling. “Yeah, dude. Protection. And lube. My asshole ain’t gonna lubricate itself.”

“Right.” Tyler gets water everywhere as he digs through the contents of Josh’s bag. At the bottom is a string of condoms and packets of lube. He finds himself laughing, because Josh is the last person he would have taken as someone to come prepared.

“Hey,” Josh calls out. Tyler turns around and waves the items around.

“Sorry, just thinking about how you brought condoms and lube on this trip.”

Josh shrugs. “I kinda had a feeling.”

“Oh yeah?” Tyler is between his legs now, sliding his own swim trunks off his hips. He tries not to think about the fact that they’re gonna have to sleep on this soaking wet bed later tonight.

“I wanted you to say something. I wanted to make sure that--” Tyler cuts him off with another kiss, his hands folding at the nape of Josh’s neck. He wants every single inch of him, from the longest hair on his head to the tips of his toes. He’s glad Josh is letting him top, because this, putting things into other things, he’s done that before.

“I wanted to say something,” he whispers, sliding his hands up to cup Josh’s jaw. “I just had to convince myself that you did like me back. Just in case.”

“Just in case,” Josh replies. This time, he pulls Tyler back in, his hands moving back to the curve of his ass, his fingernails digging into soft, sensitive skin.

“Tyler,” Josh’s voice has holes in it. His eyelids flutter. “Will you fuck me?”

“I’d be honored,” he’s teasing, but Josh doesn’t seem to notice. They continue to kiss passionately as Tyler fumbles with the lube in his hands and manages to get enough on to coat two fingers. Josh shifts, exposing himself better so Tyler can slide a finger in.

He grunts. “You’re doing great. Y’know, it’s like, it’s like fingering a vagina. ‘Cept it’s my asshole.”

“Right,” Tyler nods, pushing further. He’s on his knees, in between Josh’s legs, with one finger inside his best friend’s ass. It’s a weird setting, but he’s completely okay with it. “I want you. God, I want every inch of you.”

“Be my guest,” Josh whispers, sinking his fingers into the bedsheets. His skin is still slick from the pool and smells like chlorine as Tyler stretches over Josh’s body to kiss his collarbone. Josh moves underneath him as Tyler adds another finger and continues kissing down his body. His tongue dances across Josh’s left nipple, causing the older boy’s breath to catch.

“Okay?” Tyler asks.

“Yes,” he breathes out. Tyler nods and continues, smiling against Josh’s wet skin as he moves underneath the nipple and licks down Josh’s stomach. Chlorine is in his mouth now, but he’s okay with that. He stops right underneath Josh’s belly button and presses his nose into pubic hair.

Tyler never really thought he’d be attracted to a cock, but Josh’s is right in front of his face, pink, flushed, and begging to be touched. He leans back on his haunches for a couple seconds, silently asking for consent. Josh nods his head, closes his eyes, and bites his bottom lip as Tyler licks the inside of his thigh, licks the side of his balls, licks up the shaft of his dick. He takes the head in his mouth and swirls his tongue around the tip, smiling as Josh makes more noises.

Tyler sits back up, still smiling, his cheeks flushed, as he awaits Josh’s approval. He’s ready, ready to be inside of Josh, but wants to make sure Josh is ready too.

“Do you need more prep?” He asks.

“Probably,” Josh says, “but if you’re impatient, you can go for it.”

“I don’t want to tear you another asshole.”

Josh laughs. “You won’t. I’ve done this before. I’m ready.”

Tyler pulls his fingers out and takes a deep breath. “Okay.” He reaches behind him to grab a condom and another packet of lube. Despite what Josh says, he really doesn’t want to hurt him, so he’s trying to make sure his dick is as well lubricated as possible.

After rolling the condom on, he adjusts himself so his hands on resting on the inside of Josh’s thighs, pushing to spread him farther as Tyler pushes himself inside. They both groan together; Josh wraps his hand around his own cock and begins jacking himself off. After Tyler has managed to get over his initiate feelings, he moves Josh’s hand away and begins to pump himself, wanting to prove that he’s worthy, that he can make Josh feel good. Josh’s hands fly back to the bedsheets and his stringy hair falls in his eyes. He’s chewing on his lip again.

Tyler hasn’t had sex in a while, so he’s a bit lost in the high of it all that he can’t really remember what went down that night. All he could think about was Josh. Josh was finally _his,_ and they were finally here, together, exploring every inch of their bodies like a canvas for painting. Tyler is kissing him again, sucking hickeys into Josh’s neck, marking his territory. He’s never letting Josh go again.

Tyler watches Josh’s spine arch, watches the way his knuckles bend as he clutches the sheets, watches the way his lips part as he exhales. He kisses him harder, his body shuddering as reach their climax together. It’s a perfect moment, even if Tyler is surprised. It had been a while and he was entirely too excited to be here, right now, with Josh underneath him. He’s still running his hands over Josh’s arms, burying his nose in the crook of Josh’s neck, pressing against his wet skin. Tyler pulls out and flops over to catch his breath. They lay side by side, panting, letting the dampness of the bedsheets become known like the world outside.

“The body wash here is vanilla,” Josh says, still out of breath. His voice is hoarse. “Come shower with me.”

“Okay,” Tyler agrees, following him into the bathroom. Josh turns the shower on and peels back the curtain for Tyler to climb in. He’s there right soon after, wrapping his arms around Tyler’s waist and kissing him as hot water rains down against their backs.

Tyler realizes he can taste the nicotine in Josh’s mouth if he thinks hard about it. It might just be the power of suggestibility, but either way, he doesn’t mind. They have each other now to stop them from doing dumb things.

Josh must be thinking the same thing, because he reaches for Tyler’s wrist and pauses to look at the rubber band.

“Can I?” He asks. Tyler nods. Josh slides it off and reaches outside the shower curtain to drop it into the sink. He backs Tyler against the tiled wall and smiles at him, reaching for both his wrists. “They are beautiful.”

“What?”

“Your wrists.”

Tyler is pretty sure he’s never stopped blushing. “You’re pretty beautiful yourself, Dun.”

Josh kisses him again. He must feel just as greedy as Tyler does, because he can hardly pull himself away to do what they actually came here for.

“I’ll wash your hair,” Josh offers. Tyler lets him.

Tonight is different, because even though they fall asleep in the comfort of each other’s arms like every other night, Josh is still pressing kisses to Tyler’s forehead and Tyler is still gnawing at Josh’s bottom lip every time he moves to turn away. They sleep in the truck because the sheets are wet, so the air mattress groans, but it doesn’t bother them.

Nothing bothers them.

Finally, they have each other.

 

* * *

 

Tyler’s eyes are bloodshot the next morning. He’s not surprised, because he and Josh stayed up really late making out and sneaking a couple handjobs, but it’s making it harder to get up for the day.

Josh’s head is on his sternum, his mouth open, so Tyler stretches for his phone and snaps a candid of his own. He smiles to himself as he sets it as the lock screen of his iPhone and lets it clatter against the ridges of the truck bed.

“Psst, Josh.” Tyler pokes his cheek. “Josh.”

Josh grunts in response and says something inaudible that kind of sounds like “blergh.” Tyler is extra giggly this morning as he pokes Josh’s cheek again.

“Let’s go get coffee.”

Josh opens his eyes and manages to sit up, his hair sticking in a billion different directions. “Coffee?”

“Yeah. We didn’t get much sleep last night, so I figured we can both use the caffeine.”

“You aren’t gonna drink Redbull?” His voice is groggy and deep from sleeping. It’s very sexy, so sexy in fact, that Tyler leans over to kiss him. It’s just as exciting as their first kiss by the pool. Tyler expects to see a fireworks display each time Josh’s lips touch his.

Josh rubs at his chin and squints when Tyler pulls away. “What’s that for?”

“Dude, I’m so infatuated with you.” He laughs into his hands and grabs the motel key underneath his pillow. “We got the Grand Canyon to go see today. Let’s get coffee, okay?”

“Okay.” Josh opens the door and slides off, offering a hand to help Tyler down. This time, he’s the one that steals the kiss.

“What’s that for?” Tyler repeats his words from earlier, still smiling ear to ear.

“I’m infatuated with you too,” he whispers.

 

* * *

 

Tyler stands at the edge of the canyon with wide eyes and glances over at Josh every once in a while, just to make sure he’s doing okay.

He asks too, just in case. “How are you?”

“You’ve asked me that like ten times in the past thirty minutes.” Josh chuckles as he pulls Tyler in for a kiss on his cheek and lets his arm rest over Tyler’s shoulders. “I’m doing great, man. Promise.”

“I just, I wanna make sure. You know. Just in case.”

“If I wasn’t doing great, I think I would have told you by now.”

“I guess that’s true.” He turns back towards the canyon and smiles. “I can’t believe things like this just exist in nature.”

“It is pretty cool, isn’t it?” Josh starts playing with Tyler’s shirt sleeve. His hands protect him, keep him safe.

“Did you get all your pictures?”

“I think so. Lemme get one more of you, just in case.” He lets go and Tyler shakes off the void of his warm fingers as Josh steadies his phone camera. Tyler shoves his hands into the pocket of his shorts and sticks his tongue out playfully, laughing when Josh rolls his eyes. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

“I try to be.” This time, he kisses Josh. Josh pulls him back in for another, this time right on his lips, and his hands slide to cup Tyler’s cheek. This is another one of those moments Tyler wishes he could capture and store in his brain. That should be some kind of invention, he thinks. A memory storage of sorts, where he could replay memories with the snap of his fingers.

Josh lets his forehead rest against Tyler’s. “This was a good idea.”

“It was,” he agrees, playing with Josh’s fingers. “Do you care if I ask you a personal question?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who asks as many personal questions as you.”

Tyler chuckles as he begins to chew on the inside of his cheek. “At the gas station, when you got punched; you hit that guy first, didn’t you?”

Josh sighs and turns away from the other boy to look back over the massive canyon. He’s reflecting. “Yeah. I guess I did.”

“Which means he could press charges. Plus, you ran away before the cops came, so that would put you in even more trouble.”

“Shit.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I didn’t think about that until now.”

“I didn’t mean to freak you out, I just, I wanted to make sure that if we did come home, there wouldn’t be a warrant out for your arrest.”

“Jeez Tyler, that’s so sweet of you,” Josh answers dryly, putting his head in his hands. Tyler approaches him with a light tap to his shoulder.

“Wanna sit down?” He points to the picnic table over by where they parked. Josh nods, and so Tyler leads him to the splintering wood. Josh starts to pick at it as he counts his breaths. Tyler stays quiet, not wanting to further his anxiety attack.

“I don’t think he’ll press charges,” Josh says finally. Tyler has passed time by pressing his fingernails against the tabletop. “He was publicly intoxicated, walking into a gas station with his girlfriend. He could have caused trouble with anyone. It just happened to be with me.”

“I guess he hit you plenty more times.”

“Yeah,” Josh laughs sharply. “I didn’t do much damage. He was twice the size of me.”

“I’m glad you managed to get out of there when you did,” Tyler moves slowly, reaching out to flatten Josh’s hand against the table. He thinks as he begins to use his pointer finger to trace in between the cracks. Josh watches. “I can only imagine what else could have happened.”

“I mean, considering the circumstances, I guess a broken nose isn’t the worst.” Suddenly, Josh laughs. It sounds sad, nervous, and he bites his tongue. Tears brim his eyelids. “I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to cry--”

“Don’t apologize,” Tyler shakes his head, “it’s okay. I’m here. What’s wrong?”

Josh sniffs. He uses his shirt to wipe at his nose and returns his hand to Tyler, who continues to touch it gently. “I didn’t want to go to that show that night. I was tired, worked almost twelve hours on my feet, and wanted nothing more than to crash on the sofa and watch a movie. But Chris was expecting me to be there, so I went. And the minute I saw you, God, I don’t even know how to describe it. It was like, it was like something overcame me. I was possessed. I wanted you. I wanted to call you mine. So I went to that party to find you. I felt so stupid, because I didn’t even know if you liked guys or if you would even like me, and then we started talking, and I was so fucking over the moon. I felt like I was--”

“Falling in love?” Tyler interrupts, folding his hand down on top of Josh’s. Josh lays his other hand on top.

“Yeah, exactly. I fall in love too quickly. I follow this stupid pattern where I get so obsessed with a relationship that I get hurt and the cycle repeats again.”

He sits up straight. “Josh, I will never hurt you.”

The corners of Josh’s mouth tilt upwards just a fraction of an inch. “I know. God, Tyler, I know that. And I think that somehow scares me even more. Because what if I’m in love with falling? I fall for the people, but we break up before I can get to really know them. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You think you’re gonna lose me?”

“I don’t know. I just always seem to lose the people closest to me.”

Tyler chews on his cheek some more as he thinks about a reply. He wants to make sure Josh knows he isn’t going anywhere, knows he loves Josh with all his heart. “When I saw you, it was like everything changed. Like the world was in black and white and as soon as you walked in, there was color. You have been the easiest person to talk to. I hate talking to people about my feelings. That’s why I write songs.” He huffs, letting his cheeks swell up with air before blowing it out into the hot, Arizona air. “You’re like my notebook. What I say just flows. And it’s not like we just jumped into a relationship, right? We’ve known each other for almost four months at this point. We’re good friends. Now we’re just... friends that kiss each other.”

That gets Josh to giggle. “I do like kissing you.”

“I like kissing you too. I wish I could kiss you all the time, but that might gross some people out.”

“Love is so disgusting.” Josh smiles. He doesn’t seem as scared anymore. Tyler isn’t either, if he’s being honest. But he’s never been truly scared with Josh around.

“Love is disgusting,” he agrees, standing up from the table. He looks over the canyon one last time before walking back to his truck. Tyler’s plan was to eat something before looking at where to go next, but Josh seems to have another idea. He comes up behind Tyler wraps his arms around the taller boy, causing him to laugh in surprise as cookie crumbs stick to his lips. Even with his mouth full of Oreo, Josh kisses his neck, his head positioned so his nose doesn’t get hurt. Tyler swallows and turns around, still laughing as he reaches to pull Josh into a proper, on-the-lips kiss. Josh pauses only once to wipe the crumbs off Tyler’s chapped lips. After that, they become one, the Arizona desert their backdrop as Josh pulls them into the bed of the truck. He has Tyler’s clothes off in seconds, ever the pro, and sits back on his knees, continuously rocking back and forth as he tries to take his shirt off and keep his lips on Tyler’s all at the same time. Josh’s kisses are making Tyler dizzy, but he doesn’t care. He knows how disgusting love is. He’s seen people like this in person and absolutely despised them, but now that he’s one of those people, unable to take his hands off of Josh’s soft waist or remove his lips from Josh’s greedy teeth and tongue, he understands.

“You’re so hot, Tyler,” he grunts as his tongue runs along the inside of Tyler’s cheek. “You’re so fucking hot.”

“So are you,” Tyler says back, his voice a whisper because Josh literally took his breath away. He’s pressed against the wall of the truck, his legs bent with Josh in between them.

Josh’s lips move down Tyler’s neck to his collarbone, and down his stomach, all the way to his thighs. Tyler’s hands find their way to Josh’s back as he begins to press tiny, butterfly kisses to Tyler’s years of self harm scars. Tyler finds himself tearing up. He remembers feeling so ashamed that anyone he slept with would have to see those, but with Josh, it was different. Everything with Josh was different, and it made him feel like someone up there was looking out for him.

“You deserve the whole world,” Josh says to him, still kissing his thighs. “No, you deserve the whole galaxy.”

“I deserve _you,”_ Tyler corrects him, catching his chin in his hands. Josh looks at him with wide eyes for half a second before sliding his fingers under the waistband of Tyler’s briefs.

“You deserve this,” he continues along with the gimmick, only moving along after Tyler has nodded his approval. Tyler will admit that he’s already gotten half hard from his make out session with Josh, so he’s trying to keep himself together when Josh rests his calloused hands on the tops of Tyler’s knees and begins to lap at his inner thighs with gentle cat-like licks. He moans, tossing his head back against the plastic shell of the truck. The bang echoes loudly, but it doesn’t seem to stop Josh from whatever he’s doing down there. Tyler thinks about last night as Josh’s hands seem to touch him all over, bringing him arousal from all four corners of the world.

Josh’s tongue is a paintbrush, drawing long strokes across his skin. He’s painting Tyler as his masterpiece, licking his entrance, causing him to shiver, grinning smugly against his skin.

“Fuck,” Tyler says out loud. Josh laughs, his lips vibrating against Tyler’s ass cheek. He’s on the move again, back to licking every inch of surface area in Tyler’s nether regions. Josh’s hands cup his balls while his tongue licks up the length of Tyler’s cock.

“Fuck,” he says again. Josh doesn’t laugh because he has his mouth full. He lets his fingernails dig into Josh’s shoulders as his eyelids flutter and his breaths quicken. All he can think about is Josh. His mind is a blank sheet of paper and he is writing _Josh_ over and over again in a perfect, cursive font.

“Let’s go to Vegas,” are Josh’s first proper words after he’s helped Tyler clean the come off his stomach with a dirty t-shirt. Tyler is on his knees searching through his bag for another pair of underwear.

“Vegas?” He knows Josh is staring at his bare ass. He’s okay with it.

“Yeah, why not? It’s only four hours away. Then we can go to California and see the ocean.”

“Okay,” Tyler agrees as he pulls a pair of briefs out of the bag. He really brought a ton of stuff that was never going to be used. “What are we gonna do in Vegas, though? We aren’t exactly party people.”

“I have an idea,” Josh says. His eyes sparkle with mischievousness.

Tyler lets out a burp. “Food first, though.”

“Duh.”

 

* * *

 

“Psst,” a gentle hand taps his shoulder. “Tyler, look.”

Tyler groans a little, shifting in his seat. His neck aches from where his head was resting against his seatbelt, but he sits up and rubs at his eyes. Josh nudges him again. “Ty, look. We’re in Vegas.”

Finally, Tyler does look, and he feels his heart stop. Lights shine, encrusted in neon, and hotels and casinos, loom over their heads like castles. Tyler presses his nose against the window. He’s never seen such a busy city in his entire life.

“It’s...” he whispers, “it’s beautiful.”

“It’s almost midnight, and it still looks like that.” Josh scoffs. “Incredible.” he gets off at an exit, making a glance of confirmation at the GPS. Tyler swings back around.

“We going to explore?”

“Of course we’re going to explore the Fabulous Las Vegas.” his grin is so big, his eyes crinkle, his cheeks dimple, and with the lights cast across his face, Tyler feels his stomach twist into a knot. It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t known Josh for more than a couple months. Josh is family to him. He feels like home.

They check into a motel; it’s sketchy, and a cockroach runs across the bathroom floor. Tyler pays this time, because he reckons they’ll be getting up to something tonight and he wants a shower to be available. Even though it’s dirty and not one of the “extravagant” Vegas hotels everyone comes for, neither of them care as they dump their duffle bags on the bed. They don’t care that they’re dropping eighty bucks on a shitty Vegas motel, don’t care that it’s gross, because they’re somewhere new and exciting _together._

They could have arrived in Vegas far earlier, but ended up stopping at a shopping mall for lunch in a food court. It was a pretty big mall, and Josh suggested they go for a look, so that’s what they did.

“The motel last night has been the best one,” Tyler says, placing his hands on his lips. Josh peels back the duvet of the bed and clicks his tongue.

“I can only imagine what this place looks like under a blacklight.”

“Like a Jackson Pollock painting,” he smirks. Josh groans.

“Gross, dude.”

“It’s not that gross, considering what we might end up doing later.” Tyler pulls on the collar of Josh’s shirt, causing the older man to turn his head. They kiss for a good five minutes, neither wanting to pull away when the time comes.

After that, they wander to the strip, their shoulders bumping, hands brushing, lost in the awe of lights and people and the atmosphere of the city. It’s loud, and noisy, and beyond anything the two have ever seen.

“Dude,” Tyler says, but he doesn’t finish his sentence when Josh replies. He doesn’t know what else to say.

Part of him wants to hold Josh’s hand, but the other part of him is scared of the retaliation that may come. Even though all the people they’ve passed by are wasted beyond all belief and seem to be lost in some other world of their own, Tyler doesn’t want to risk it. Josh got hurt once before. He didn’t want it to happen again.

Josh stops suddenly to fish out his wallet from his front pocket. He gestures to the bar in front of him with a nod of his head. “Here.”

Tyler frowns. “What?”

“Remember in Nashville?” He has to yell over the roar of the music inside the bar.

“What about Nashville?” Josh flashes his ID to the bouncer and heads inside, leaving Tyler on the sidewalk. With a sigh, he too pulls out his driver’s license to show to the bouncer before entering the bar. It’s dark, with groups of people crowded onto a small dance floor as well as the bar. He hangs back at the front entrance, standing awkwardly off to the side as more people come in. Tyler feels himself starting to panic, especially without Josh around. He begins to snap the rubber band around his wrist, feeling the burn grow as he repeats over and over and over again. How could Josh just leave him? Why were they here?

“Ty,” a hand is on his shoulder and Tyler jumps. It’s just Josh with a beer in his hand. “Sorry.”

“Where did you go?”

“I thought you were right behind me,” he replies nonchalantly, pointing to the dance floor with his beer. “Let’s go dance.”

“No.” Tyler shakes his head and repeats a little louder, “no. I’m going to the restroom.”

Josh sighs. “Tyler, wait--”

“No,” he says for the third time. Before Josh can get out a reply, Tyler has darted away to the men’s restroom and locked himself in a stall. He rests his forehead against the scratches on the stall door and takes a few deep breaths.

The door opens soon after, the pound of the bass becoming slightly muffled as it slams shut. Tyler can hear shuffling outside and the click of glass against granite countertops.

“Tyler?” It’s Josh. “C’mon, man. Can we talk?”

He unlocks the stall door with guilt in his eyes and steps out. With a sigh of relief, Josh pulls him into a hug. Tyler allows himself to breathe in Josh’s scent and a few of his tears to stain Josh’s tee.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles into Josh’s shoulder, “I just, I panicked.”

“Don’t apologize,” Josh strokes his hair, “I was stupid. I didn’t think about what these places do to you. I was just so caught up in making things right, and doing what I had wanted to do that first night in Nashville.”

Tyler sniffs and lifts his head up. “Yeah? And what’s that?”

“This.” Josh grabs Tyler’s chin and gently presses a kiss to his lips. When he goes to move, Tyler tugs on his t-shirt to bring him back in. Out of all their kisses so far, this is the best one. This is the one Tyler will look back on as an old man and tell his grandkids about. Even though they’re in the restroom of a bar in Las Vegas with muffled music in their ears, it’s a soft moment Tyler never wants to end.

They do have a lot of those, though.

And maybe that’s how Tyler knows Josh is the One.

All good things come to an end, including their sneaky bathroom kiss. Josh smiles as he reaches out to push the hair off Tyler’s forehead. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“You just have to remember that I’m not like you. I’m not a party person. I’m a hide-in-my-bedroom-with-the-lights-off person. This kind of stuff freaks me out. And I really appreciate the gesture, but...” He finishes his sentence by waving his arms around, hoping it’ll display his feelings for him. Josh seems to get it.

“Okay, why don’t we get out of here and head back to the motel? We can come back down tomorrow when other things are open besides the bars and clubs.”

Tyler nods. “Please.” He allows Josh to take his hand and leads the way back to the street, Josh’s abandoned beer the only indication they were ever there.

Back at the motel, Josh turns all the lights off, allowing the room to be lit up by the television. He mutes the volume and puts on some music of his own.

“Death Cab for Cutie?”

“I’m going to get that dance out of you,” Josh replies, waving Tyler over. The music is on a low hum, but Tyler can still make out the words. _No blinding light or tunnels to the gates of white, just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark._

Josh’s hand rests on his hip while his other holds Tyler’s shoulder. He smiles, his blush illuminated by the glow of the television as they sway back and forth. Tyler stumbles, because he’s smooth like that, and laughs as Josh spins him around.

_If there is no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I will follow you into the dark._

He moves his left foot backward, pulling Josh towards him ungracefully so they end up bumping into the dresser. In another round of giggles, Tyler tries again, his chest bumping against Josh’s as he leans forward to rest his head on Josh’s shoulder. Josh’s hands move to his butt as they continue swaying.

_The time for sleep is now is now, but there’s nothing to cry about. Soon we’ll hold each other in the darkest of rooms._

The chorus rings out again as Tyler buries his nose in Josh’s neck, catching a glimpse of the bruises he marked the previous night. A tiny smirk rests against the fabric of Josh’s tee.

_Then I’ll follow you into the dark._

The song ends, leaving the two alone in each other’s embrace. Tyler rubs his face against Josh’s shoulder before stepping back for a better look at his face. Josh is still smiling.

“What?” Tyler asks.

“I love you,” he says.

“I love you too,” Tyler says back, his gaze intense. Those three words have never come as naturally to anyone outside his own family until now. He pulls Josh forward, closing the space between their mouths, and kisses him tentatively. With the caress of Josh’s lips against his, Tyler is safe.

 

* * *

 

Their time in Vegas comes to a close much too soon. Josh, always the amateur photographer, snaps billions of more photos of Tyler everywhere, including the iconic “Fabulous Las Vegas” sign. He even takes Tyler to the Sam’s Town Casino and Hotel, the smile never leaving his face as Tyler continues to talk about The Killers and how cool it is that he’s finally here.

The visit the strip again to buy cheesy Vegas mementos; Josh picks up a snowglobe for Jordan and some keychains for his sisters while Tyler decides to send his family a postcard. Josh comes with him to purchase stamps and waits patiently while Tyler scribbles his current feelings to his parents about the band and about his relationship with Josh.

 _I’m doing better,_ he writes, _and Josh has been a huge help. I am so in love with him. It’s disgusting in the best way possible._

Tyler knows his parents aren’t going to be thrilled with that last sentence, but there’s a burning pride inside of him that wants the whole world to know he’s in love with Joshua Dun. His parents just happen to be the first step in his journey.

Josh tells Tyler he’s always dreamed of living in Los Angeles, so that’s where they go next. After a week and a half, they have practically made it to the west coast. Tyler is thankful for this trip because he’s learned so much not only about himself, but about Josh.

He’s certain now. Tyler does not want to be up on that stage without Josh by his side.

They are two hours into their drive with Josh at the wheel. Tyler sits next to him, scrolling on his phone as he thinks of the proper way to ask his best friend to join the band. He knows he should wait until Josh actually plays a show with him, because he’s never actually seen Josh play, but Tyler just _knows_ Josh is the perfect person for Twenty One Pilots. Josh is the perfect person for him.

“Hey, man,” he finally says, reaching out to turn the radio down. Josh had managed to find a station playing somewhat decent music out here in Nevada.

Josh licks his lips before looking over briefly. He makes it clear that he’s listening, even though he has to look at the winding roads in front of him. There really isn’t anything interesting besides miles and miles of desert.

“When we get back, I want you to join the band. Like, full time.”

He rubs his hands against the steering wheel and tilts his head slightly. “So you’re gonna do the band thing?”

“Only if you do it with me.”

Josh smiles and starts to gnaw on his bottom lip. “Of course I’ll do it with you. Just...” He trails off, causing Tyler to frown.

“Just what?”

A sigh. His lips are already starting to turn red from his chewing. “I don’t know what to call,” he takes his hands off the wheel momentarily to wave his hands around, “us.”

“We’re friends,” Tyler states.

“Friends who have had sex,” Josh corrects. “Not that I’m complaining. I love you, like, a lot, but I’m just worried that if we do end up becoming something more, and then something bad happens, it could affect the outcome of the band.”

Tyler doesn’t reply right way. Instead, he starts rubbing the band around his wrist in between his fingers. “Do you think something bad is gonna happen?”

“I told you how scared I get.”

“Yeah,” Tyler remembers. He pulls the band back and lets it snap.

Josh reaches out for Tyler’s hand. “Focus on me,” he says firmly. Tyler listens and begins to play with Josh’s fingers instead of plucking the rubber band. At least Josh won’t make his wrists raw.

He continues his spiel. “I get... scared, I guess, letting people into my life. Because no one sticks around for good.”

“You let me in.”

“As a friend. But as a lover?” Josh shakes his head. “That’s a whole other story.”

“We don’t need to rush into anything, Josh.” Tyler presses the tips of his fingers into Josh’s palm. “This is new for me too.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You aren’t going to,” he promises. “There doesn’t need to be labels placed on whatever we are. We’re just us. We’re free to be whoever we are.” Josh doesn’t seem convinced, so Tyler continues. “I’ve spent this whole trip absolutely terrified of being unable to reach my dreams. Without you, I would have never been able to gather the courage needed to _try_ again. And I know love is scary. Trust me, I’m scared too!” Tyler laughs nervously as he runs his pointer finger along the inner curve of Josh’s thumb. “There’s a part of me who thinks I will never be good enough for anyone, especially not you.”

Josh’s face softens. “You don’t think you’re good enough for me?”

“Part of me thinks that, yeah. That maybe you’ll see how garbage I am and leave. Or maybe this is some kind of joke. But you know as well as I do that it’s just what anxiety does to you. It settles in your bones and tries to argue with reason. It makes you believe you aren’t good enough.”

“I can assure you I do like you. Every single part of you, from your wrists to your thighs to your ankles. _God,_ Tyler, your ankles.”

Red stains Tyler’s cheeks as he lets out a nervous giggle. “C’mon, man, I’m being serious.”

“So am I!” Josh exclaims loudly. “People like you don’t come by the dozen. You’re one of a kind. I mean that. And when I think back to that show, about how bad of a mood I was in and how annoyed I was that I had to drag my ass to some rinky dink venue in the shitty part of Columbus, I don’t regret it one bit. Because I saw you on stage, and I knew I had to get to know you.”

Tyler’s nervous smile melts into a smirk. “You wanted to get into my pants?”

“No, I wanted to get to know the _real_ you. No one puts that much passion into their stage performance without having a story.”

He doesn’t know how to reply, so instead, Tyler presses his lips to Josh’s knuckles. Josh sighs.

“You keep that up, I might just have to pull over.”

Tyler quirks up an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? And do what?”

Josh is blushing, his hand warm against Tyler’s palm. “Don’t make me say it.”

“You know I’m going to make you say it.” With a smirk still plastered across his face, Tyler presses his lips back against Josh’s knuckles. “Tell me what you want to do to me,” he mumbles into Josh’s skin.

“I wanna kiss you,” Josh replies, flustered. His eyes flicker between Tyler and the road.

“That’s all?”

“You’re just trying to distract me from what we were talking about before.”

He pulls his mouth away. “I’m not going to force you to do anything. If you don’t want to join the band, you don’t gotta.”

“Fuck, Tyler, of course I’m gonna join the band. I told you I would.”

“You said you’d help me out, not join the band. Those are not the same thing.”

“I wanted to join the band the moment I laid eyes on you.” Tyler thinks Josh might be joking at first, but after a few seconds pass and Josh doesn’t say anything more, he knows it’s true. His heart thumps loudly against his ribcage.

“You aren’t going to lose me,” Josh’s hand is still in Tyler’s, and Tyler squeezes it tightly. “No matter what ends up happening. I want to play music with you and nobody else.”

“You haven’t even seen me play.” He’s smiling his perfect Josh smile, crinkly eyes and all.

“Don’t need to. I already know that’s it’s supposed to be me and you together.” His lips go back to kissing each individual knuckle. Josh shivers in the driver’s seat and the truck swerves a little. “I used to think fate was stupid. I didn’t believe in it. But now that I have you by my side, I think I’m starting to believe.”

A strange, whiny noise leaves Josh’s throat; he’s still got that goddamn smile on his face. “God, Tyler. That-- I-- God.”

“We might actually have to pull over if you’re too horny to drive.”

“I’m not!”

“Tell me what you wanna do to me!” Tyler sticks his tongue out as he moves Josh’s hand to rest on his knee. Josh slides his hand up to clutch Tyler’s thigh and runs his thumb over the hem of his shorts.

“You just said I’m too horny to drive and now you want me to say more dirty things to you?”

“I just want to hear you say it,” Tyler whispers. Josh shakes his head and smiles into his shoulder. He thinks he can hold out.

 

* * *

 

Josh is wrong.

They barely cross over the California border before Josh is pulling over into the back parking lot of a gas station. The sun is starting to set, filling the sky with pink, yellow, and orange pastels like a crayon drawing from Tyler's youth.

“We just got gas,” Tyler says without looking up from his phone. Josh rolls the windows down and shoves the keys into his pocket.

“I want you,” Josh says in one breath. Josh’s hand had never left Tyler’s thigh from their conversation three and a half hours ago up until now. He opens the car door and steps out, giving Tyler one last glance before shutting it. Tyler scoffs, lets his phone clatter into the front cupholder and follows to the bed of the truck. The minute the door is shut, Josh is on top of him, pressing his hands to Tyler’s hips, embracing him in a passionate kiss as the fabric of their shorts grind together. Tyler grunts, fumbling to find a place to put his own hands as Josh continues to press his lips against every square inch of skin on Tyler’s face.

“Wait, Josh, Josh,” Tyler murmurs as Josh moves to kiss his neck, “lemme get my shirt off.”

“Okay,” he sits back and taps his fingers impatiently against his forearm while Tyler peels his shirt off. He’s already starting to sweat in the California heat, and there is a small fear that someone will hear them, no matter how far away they are parked from the rest of the world.

With his chest exposed, Josh leans in and kisses Tyler’s collarbone, letting his tongue trail shortly behind. Tyler shivers. His eyelids flutter.

“Tell me what you want to do with me,” he repeats from earlier. Josh pauses, his lips taut.

“I wanna touch you everywhere,” he whispers, his voice gruff with arousal. “I want to press my tongue against every single inch of you.”

“Touch me,” Tyler says back. Josh nods, and his tongue is back, exploring Tyler’s body like the stars above. Tyler’s hands slide up the back of Josh’s shirt, massaging his muscles as Josh grazes his teeth over his right nipple, causing Tyler to moan.

“Fuck, Josh.” Josh looks up long enough to smile. His tongue moves down Tyler’s stomach, following the length of his happy trail. Tyler squirms again underneath Josh’s hands and Josh’s tongue.

Slowly, Josh’s fingernails unbutton Tyler’s shorts, each tooth of the zipper pure agony against the bulge in his underwear. Josh can tell, Tyler is sure of it, as he slides shorts and briefs down his legs.

“Flip over for me,” he whispers, spinning his finger in a circle. Tyler nods, listens, and rests his head against his arms as Josh finishes pulling clothing away.

“You gonna touch me?” He asks, his vision stirring.

“Yes,” Josh says back as he shifts his weight onto the back of Tyler’s legs. His presses his tongue flat at the top of Tyler’s spine and trails down, breathing in heavily through his nose. His hands palm Tyler’s ass cheeks, spreading them just enough for his tongue to fit. Tyler is trying so hard not to moan, because he doesn’t want to look dumb, but it’s so damn hard, especially picturing what Josh probably looks like while he’s eating him out. He’s in love with the feel of Josh’s tongue, in love with its flexibility, its softness, its ability to create an on-demand lubricant.

“Oh,” Tyler says, letting his fingernails dig into the top of the air mattress. It feels good. God, why does that feel so good?

Josh’s heavy voice comes from behind, “can you get on your knees?”

“Yeah,” he swallows, picking his body up, cringing at the creak of the mattress, as Josh squeezes his thighs. Suddenly, there is a hand on his cock. “Fuck, man, lube, please--”

“Right, right,” Josh’s touch disappears, leaving Tyler’s skin barren as he digs through his bag for the bottle of lube he bought back in Vegas (now that he knew he was actually going to get some action). He cheers when he finds it and coats his entire hand in a generous amount before it returns to its desired place around Tyler’s cock.

“Good?” Josh hums. Tyler grunts as he leans down on his forearms and shoves his knuckle in his mouth.

“Yeah. Please.”

“Kay,” Josh’s tongue makes its return, pressing lightly against Tyler’s entrance.

Tyler whines loudly in a way that kind of makes him think of a dog. He knows his cheeks are red. Trust him, he knows.

Between the work of Josh’s hand and Josh’s tongue, Tyler is lost in a haze of pure expliciticity. He truly is unable to fathom that he went twenty-one long years without being able to experience the pure ecstasy of Josh’s warm tongue inside of him. It makes him wonder what else he’s missed out on.

One of Josh’s fingers slips inside of him, moving too deep from where they sat probing, and it’s all Tyler can handle in one go. He’s reached his climax, with Josh there to coach him through it.

Tyler stares up at the ceiling of the truck and lets his cheeks puff up with air. “That-- wow.”

“Okay?” Josh tries.

“Your tongue is talented,” he says.

Josh only laughs.

 

* * *

 

They sleep together in each other’s arms, buried under a thin blanket in the back of the truck. It’s cold, out here in the desert, cold enough that they’ve rolled the windows up for the first time since they hit the road. Josh’s arm is tight around Tyler’s waist. He’s the big spoon, his only goal to keep Tyler warm and make him feel loved.

“Fuck,” Tyler speaks into Josh’s arm.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m freezing my ass off.” He bites his tongue to stop his teeth from chattering as Josh shifts to pull the blanket further up his body and tucks his arm closer to Tyler’s chest. “Seriously, I can feel my balls retracting inside of me. Christ.”

“I didn’t think the desert would get this cold. Like, I knew it got cold, but not this cold.”

“What time is it?”

Josh reaches for his phone, the mattress creaking under his weight. “Almost three.”

“Fuuuuuck,” he draws the swear nice and long before burying himself closer to Josh’s chest. “Dude, we might have to turn the truck on and get the heater moving. It’s too cold.”

“C’mere,” Josh says in a soft whisper that makes it sound less like a demand and more like a suggestion. Nonetheless, Tyler listens, not so much because Josh told him to, but because he’s so hopelessly weak in the knees for him. Tyler doesn’t need to be told twice for anything involving Josh.

His lips caress the dip between Tyler’s nose and mouth carefully, cautiously, like he’s treading water in rocky waves. Tyler pulls him in, under the effects of Josh’s spell, and kisses him gingerly, flinching slightly as Josh thumbs at the skin on his hip bone.

Josh grunts a little, his grip on Tyler’s waist tightening as he’s pushed into the mattress long enough for Tyler to straddle him. Tyler pauses for a second to pull the blanket over his back, because he’s still freezing, and dives back in for round two. He’s lost in ecstasy, in the feeling of Josh’s skin, the smell of Josh’s cologne. At the moment, Tyler’s entire world revolves around Joshua William Dun.

“Do you wanna,” Josh talks between kisses, “I dunno, maybe just, like, rut against each other?”

“To stay warm?” Josh’s tongue is inside his mouth and all the blood in his body is rushing to his cock.

“Exactly, yeah. To stay— to stay warm.”

Tyler leaves his shirt on, only because he’s still kinda cold, but allows Josh to maneuver his way around the blanket to tug off Tyler’s flannel pjs and underwear off his body. His hands find Tyler’s pubic bone and hold him steady while Tyler reciprocates Josh’s actions with his own bottoms. Josh is half hard, but it’s enough for them to continue making out while rocking up against each other. All of Tyler’s nerve endings are alive, moving like the tendrils of a roaring fire as he feels Josh’s skin against his own.

He’s so in love. It might be early, but he knows it’s true. He knows he won’t be able to let Josh go, not without a fight.

With their dicks pressed against each other, Josh moves his hand underneath the blanket. It’s big enough to clutch both cocks in his hand; he makes a few dry strokes before pulling his hand back out to spit in his palm and it disappears back under.

 _“Josh,”_ Tyler doesn’t recognize his own voice. It’s high, strained, desperate. “God, _Josh--”_

“I know,” Josh’s voice is just as strained, “I know. I know. I know.”

Josh’s name is all he is able to say throughout their attempt to keep themselves warm in the coldness of the California dust. Their kisses become more drastic, direr; their mouths become one. To the outside world, they are nobodies, lost in the sea of human beings existing for their own individual purposes.

But to each other, under the roof of that truck, they are the only human beings that matter.

 

* * *

 

After Josh got his coffee and Tyler got his Redbull, they continued the rest of their drive to the city of angels: Los Angeles, California. Tyler drove, and their hands rested on the center console, their fingers entangled the entire time.

When they arrive, the first thing they do is head to a Mexican place for lunch. Josh promises it’s authentic Mexican and that Tyler has never had anything like it.

“Is it as good as Taco Bell?” Tyler cocks his eyebrow and grins slyly.

Josh scoffs. “You do realize Taco Bell isn’t exactly real Mexican food?”

“And you do realize how good Taco Bell is?”

“I’m not denying it. I’m jus’ saying that this is going to be so much better.”

Tyler shrugs as he leans back in his chair. “If you say so.”

Josh sticks his tongue out. “I do say so.”

Of course, it takes only one bite for Tyler to agree that it is, in fact, “so much better.” In fact, Tyler would go as far to say it was even better than sex. Josh said that was offensive, because he was sitting right there, but Tyler explained that he just needed to “face the facts.”

Afterward, they do some light window shopping. Josh had been such a great sport in letting Tyler fantasize about playing shows in St. Louis that it was the least Tyler could do with Josh here in Los Angeles.

Josh was like a kid in a candy store; Tyler had never seen his eyes so big and doe-like. It filled him with happiness.

“Nobody would give a shit if I was bi here,” he exclaims as they walk by an adult store. There’s been a lot of those lately. “I could probably walk the streets with only my dick covered and be fine.”

“It’s a good feeling, huh?” Tyler toys with Josh’s fingers as they walk down the sidewalk. Even though no one is batting an eyelash at them, too preoccupied with wherever they are going, Tyler is still nervous about holding Josh’s hand in public.

“It really is.” Josh looks down at their brushing fingers. “How are you feeling? About all of this. About... us.”

A shrug. Tyler really doesn’t know how he feels. “I don’t know if I want to put labels on myself yet. All I know is that I like you, but that doesn’t exactly define my type. Is there a term for that?”

“I suppose you could be pansexual,” Josh explains, tapping his chin, “if you think you aren’t limited in regard to sex, gender, or gender identification.”

“I suppose that doesn’t matter to me.” He tries the word out. “Pansexual. Hmm. I think I like that.”

“Yeah?” Josh is grinning. He pats Tyler on the back. “That’s good to hear, love.”

 

* * *

 

They go to visit Hollywood, and this time, Tyler holds Josh’s hand proudly, finally willing to flaunt his courage and show off his relationship with his best friend. No one bats an eyelash at the two of them, just like Josh had said.

They know how dumb it is to be doing touristy things with the rest of the tourist peoples, but neither care. They are enjoying themselves as they skip down Hollywood Boulevard and take pictures in front of celebrity stars. Josh makes them stop at Elvis’s star; Tyler squats down and points, grinning ear to ear as Josh takes his very touristy picture for his “Tyler Collage.”

“When do I get to see it?” Tyler asks as they continue walking. They still hold hands, but Josh is busy scrolling through his camera roll.

“At the end of the trip, I suppose,” is Josh’s reply.

“How do we know when the trip is over?”

A shrug. “When we feel like it.”

Tyler pouts. “So... you’re gonna leave me in suspense.”

“Yep.” Josh pops the p and winks. “Leave you in all kinds of suspense.”

“You won’t let me take any pictures of you.”

“I don’t think you’ve asked.”

They come to Michael Jackson’s star. Tyler pulls his hand away and points down. “Pop a squat, buddy.”

“Oh my God.”

“Get down,” Tyler commands as he fiddles with his phone. “C’mon, I don’t got all day.”

Josh huffs audibly, but compiles, squatting down behind Michael’s name. He smiles his crinkly Josh smile and Tyler takes a burst of photos. “There. Thanks, love.”

“Now you’ve got a picture for me. Not enough for a Josh collage, but it’s a start.” He pats Tyler’s shoulder before reaching out for his hand. Tyler happily takes it and rubs his thumb over Josh’s knuckles for nothing more than comfort. He goes to pocket his phone when Josh stops him, taking it out of his hands.

“Woah,” Tyler says, pulling away to grab his phone back. Josh clicks his tongue and stares at Tyler’s lock screen.

“Is this me?”

A blush. “Uhm, yeah.” It was the picture he had taken the morning after their first kiss, when Josh was curled on Tyler’s chest. He doesn’t know why he’s blushing. He knows Josh likes him back.

Josh stares a little bit longer before clearing his throat and handing Tyler his phone back. “When did you take that?”

“Right after we... y’know.”

Josh chuckles. “Yeah. I know.”

“Is that... is that okay?”

He pauses. “What, that I’m your lock screen? Of course! I’m just surprised is all. Well, maybe surprise isn’t the best phrasing. Honored, maybe? Something along those lines. I’m not upset, if that’s what you’re insinuating.”

“No,” Tyler shakes his head. “I didn’t think you would be. Upset, I mean. You just seem like, not very into it.”

“I’m just, I dunno. Still in disbelief that this,” he points his finger between the two of them in a back and forth motion, “is actually happening. That I get to kiss you. I wish I could kiss you every waking second of the day.”

Tyler’s nose turns red. “I feel that way about you too,” he admits.

Josh smiles. “Good. That’s good.” He offers his hand once more, and after Tyler takes it, they continue their walk.

Later, while they take photos in front of the Chinese theatre, Tyler catches a peak of Josh’s lock screen. It’s the one of him in front of Kolob Arch back in Utah.

It makes him feel gooey inside.

 

* * *

 

Considering how fucking cold it was the night before, they get a motel room this go around. Josh puts the heater on and they snuggle up next to each other under the blankets to watch television. This time it’s some hospital drama with way too much kissing and overly emotional death sequences.

“Just let them die in peace,” Tyler mutters, Josh’s arm tight around his waist. “These stupid shows gotta hype everything up.”

“That’s why it’s a drama, Ty,” Josh chuckles, his thumb circling around and around on Tyler’s bare hip. “They are overly dramatic for a reason. There’s gotta be drama and stuff.”

“Everything’s gotta have drama these days.”

“People love it. They eat that shit up.” Josh sighs. “I don’t see it getting any better, either.”

“Yeah, well. Guess that’s the world we live in.”

“Not completely. You find good eggs every once and awhile. Like you.” He bops Tyler on the nose. “You’re a good egg.”

“You’re a good egg, too.”

“Yeah?” Josh’s smile turns seductive, his arm tightening around Tyler’s waist, pulling slightly. Tyler leans in, forever desperate for Josh’s touch, and kisses him on the lips. Josh deepens it, pushing Tyler against the headboard, moving his hands to Tyler’s hips.

“I wanna try something,” Tyler stops Josh with a push on his chest. “Please.”

“What’s that?”

“Will you...” He trails off, his palm clammy against Josh’s chest. “Your gauges. If you take them out, is that gonna ruin the process?”

“No.” He raises an eyebrow, curious, intrigued, “the process is pretty much over and done with. My ears are stretched. They ain’t moving.”

“Cool, cool. No worries.” Tyler bites his lip. “So you can take them out?”

“I can.”

“Okay. Take them out.”

A pause. “Right now?”

Tyler’s lips return to the corner of Josh’s mouth, light and feathery, as his kisses make their way up his cheekbone and onto the inner lip of his ear. His breath is heavy and warm. “Yes, right now.”

Josh complies, plopping his small white gauges into the tight grip of the right hand. Tyler continues his trip, moving his lips to the top of Josh’s ear, letting his tongue lap around the top like a cat. Tyler could see himself as a cat. He was silent, crafty, always moving on the balls of his feet. Josh could be the dog; happy, go lucky, always bouncing. The analogy makes him giggle, which causes suspicions from the boy whose ear Tyler was currently chewing on.

“What are you laughing at?” Josh says, moaning slightly afterward at the feeling of Tyler’s teeth and tongue on the cartilage of his ear.

“I’m a cat,” Tyler replies, like it’s the only obvious answer. Josh scoffs, rolls his eyes, even shrugs, giving into Tyler’s shenanigans.

“You’re a cat,” Josh repeats. Tyler licks down his inner ear, grazes his teeth against the side, down to his earlobe. He lets his tongue touch the small hole of Josh’s ear where his gauge usually sits. Josh hums in satisfaction. Tyler supposes this is something neither one of them thought would end up happening, but it had been something Tyler had thought about since he had seen the holes in Josh’s earlobes.

“Has anyone ever done this before?” Tyler murmurs against Josh’s earlobe. He brings his teeth out and begins to chew. Not hard, because he doesn’t want to hurt Josh, but just enough to make him feel something.

“No,” Josh’s voice is soft, “but I, uhm, it feels good.”

 _Good,_ Tyler thinks, but doesn’t respond, because he’s too busy chewing on Josh’s ear. After five minutes, he switches to the other ear, letting Josh slide further down the bed and onto his back. The hospital drama whines behind them, lost to their ears.

“Ty,” Josh says after another three minutes. Tyler pulls away.

“You gonna come already?”

Josh rolls his eyes as Tyler sticks his tongue out playfully. “No, asshole. Switch me sides.”

“You want me,” he runs his finger up and down the length of Josh’s body, “on my back?”

“I wanna sit on your face.”

Tyler blinks. “Sit on my face?”

“I let you chew on my Goddamn ears,” Josh sticks his gauges back in slowly, moving his eyes back to gesture towards the bed. “Get on your back,” he demands.

“Not messing around, I see.” Tyler grins as he flips sides with Josh and lays down, teasing by tucking his hands comfortably behind his head. Josh raises an eyebrow, his hands warm, as he pulls away Tyler’s boxers, painfully slow, playing with Tyler like Tyler was playing with him. His own come off next and before Tyler can say anything, he plops down in Tyler’s lap, sandwiching their dicks together.

“Christ,” Tyler bites his lip, closes his eyes, as Josh leans forward to kiss him again. Josh pulls Tyler’s lip out from under his teeth and grins as Tyler gasps a little.

“Good?”

“I’m okay,” Tyler promises, pulling Josh back down. He wonders if he will ever get over the feeling of ecstasy and pure happiness he gets every time he touches Josh like this, every time Josh touches _him_ like this. He sure hopes not.

He _really_ hopes not.

“I’ll blow you,” Josh suggests, sinking under the covers. Tyler situates himself, resting on his forearms, and feels Josh hands touching, spreading his thighs. He tosses his head back and allows his eyelids to flutter. Josh’s magical tongue is licking up his shaft and around the glans. Tyler doesn’t have much to say, not really one for casual conversation during sex, so he stays semi-quiet, communicating through soft gasps and moans. Josh has got his mouth on Tyler’s balls now, his nose in Tyler’s pubic hair. He slides a hand under the duvet, feeling for Josh’s head, and grasps fistfuls of Josh’s curly hair.

“Fuuuuck,” his voice rings out over the television, one too many octaves higher than usual. Even though he can’t see Josh’s face, he’s pretty sure he can _feel_ Josh smiling against his cock.

There’s a sudden absence of Josh’s tongue against his skin, and then, from under the covers, comes a tiny voice, “Your dick is cute.”

“My dick is cute?” Tyler clarifies, lifting the duvet. Josh’s eyes shimmer in the darkness as he bites his lip and nods his head.

“Tiny and cute.”

“Fuck you, man.” Josh giggles as Tyler drops the blanket down, pouting, as Josh’s mouth returns to the cockhead. His tongue, the excellent self lubricator, coats Tyler’s dick in excessive amounts of saliva, which comes in handy for what comes next.

Josh moves himself further up into Tyler’s lap, his hand around both their cocks, as he peppers Tyler’s face in kisses. One to his nose, three to the length of both his cheekbones, a peck to the dip between his nose and lips, to his chin, forehead, and ears.

“Thought you were gonna sit on my-- ah-- face.” Tyler’s surprised he’s managing to speak while Josh is jerking him off.

“We’ll work our way up to it,” Josh promises, pressing his lips to the underside of Tyler’s jaw. He begins to work a hickey into the side of Tyler’s neck, his sucking gentle and nothing like the rapid grinding he’s doing underneath the sheets. Tyler thinks he might actually come pretty soon, but he doesn’t tell Josh, because he’s hoping he can hold out.

“Gotta another idea, baby boy.” Josh’s head once again disappears under the comforter, and after some rustling, Tyler feels Josh prodding at his legs, bending them just enough to hook them behind his back. “You’re going to be screaming my name by the time I make you come.”

“Josh,” Tyler whines, digging his nails into the sheets. “God, _Josh--”_

His tongue presses against Tyler’s entrance, and his body no longer feels solid, but more like liquid. If you were to fill a trash bag with grape kool-aid and draw a face on it, Tyler’s pretty sure they would be identical.

It’s too much for him. Tyler spills, all over himself, all over the bed, all over Josh. And sure enough, he’s repeating Josh’s name over and over again until he was able to control himself. Josh continues to kiss Tyler’s ass cheeks.

“Face sitting later,” Josh says when he comes back up, a smirk on his face. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

 

* * *

 

The go to the ocean the next morning. Tyler relaxes on a beach towel he and Josh bought from a nearby thrift store, the sun on his face, the wind in his hair. Josh sits up next to him and pushes his sunglasses into his gorgeous curls.

“We ever gonna go in?” He nods towards the crashing waves. Tyler laughs, throwing his hand into the air.

“Be my guest, drummer boy.”

“Nah, man. We gotta go in _together.”_

“I’m working on my tan.”

Josh snorts. “Your tan? Dude, your skin is like pure, organic honey. Besides, aren’t you like, Lebanese?”

“Lesbian, actually.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Josh takes his sunglasses off and tucks them neatly with his other belongings. “Get off your ass and come into the water with me.”

“Fine,” Tyler whines, he too pulling off his sunglasses. He accepts Josh’s hand and allows the older boy to pull him towards the water’s edge.

Tyler stops Josh from pulling him in, letting the water lap across his toes. It’s cold and shocking, but makes him stop and think. Josh is in up to his knees, staring at Tyler with his head tilted, probably wondering why Tyler had stopped.

He was so used to letting the water lap up to his ankles when it came to relationships. With Josh, he had jumped right into the deep end. With Josh, everything, everything came so damn easy. Tyler was used to being afraid, used to being anxious, worried about what was going to come next. His kisses were quiet, shared in private, never open to the world around him.

Josh came down from heaven; Tyler’s guardian angel, Tyler’s savior in disguise.

“Are you coming or what, nerd?” Josh yells, taking two teetering steps forward as a wave hits his back.

He can feel the tears on his cheeks as he runs towards Josh, pulling him in for a tight hug right as another wave hits them. They tumble into the sandy ground, letting the hash salty water run over their skin.

Tyler pops back up first, giggling as he wipes the water out of his eyes and reaches for Josh’s waist. As soon as Josh gets his eyes clean, Tyler is kissing him with everything he has. For the first time ever, Tyler doesn’t care what the outside world will think.

Personally, Tyler thinks the outside world can shove it.

“What’s that for?” Josh asks after they’ve pulled away.

“I’m in love with you,” Tyler says, the ocean’s roar in his ears. “And it might be too early, but I don’t care. I can’t even begin to explain how much you mean to me.”

Josh is smiling. He reaches outwards with his thumb to swipe at the tears under Tyler’s eyes.

“It’s just ocean water,” he tries, but Josh shushes him with another short-yet-sweet kiss.

“I’m in love with you too, Tyler.”

“Yeah?” His eyes are brimming with a fresh round of tears.

“Yeah!” Josh might be crying too, but it’s hard to tell. It very well could be ocean water.

“Kiss me again,” Tyler demands through another round of laughter.

And under the growl of ocean’s salty hand, Josh does.

 

* * *

 

“He’s gonna be happy to see you.”

“I know that. I just don’t know how he’s gonna react to, well, us.” Tyler twiddles his thumbs in the passenger seat of his own truck.

“How do you think he’s gonna react, man? It’s Mark.”

“I know it’s Mark.” The day before, they had arrived back in Columbus after two weeks of travel. Their journey had come to an end, a journey of love, self-discovery, and painful pasts. Josh had thrown away all of his cigarettes after they arrived back at the truck to change, claiming he was done with the smoking.

“I have you now,” he said. And Tyler believed him.

“I know it’s Mark,” Tyler repeats with less enthusiasm, “but I’m still worried. Y’know. Anxiety and stuff.”

Josh clicks his tongue. “Yeah, I do know. I’m here. I’m right behind you, if you need anything.”

“Okay.” He opens the door with shaking hands and pauses to look at the rental house that used to house party after party. The rental house he had lived in for only a few years that was becoming his home.

When Tyler looks back, Josh is there, his arms crossed as he leans against the hood of the truck. He gives Tyler a thumbs up.

With a sniff, Tyler steps onto the porch and pulls his house key out of his front pocket. The television is on, a heaping container of guacamole and tortilla chips towering on the coffee table. He hears banging in the kitchen and takes a couple sneaky steps forward.

Mark is humming a tune that sounds suspiciously like My Chemical Romance’s _The Black Parade_ when Tyler finally stepped into the kitchen. He clears his throat and Mark jumps a little, his hand fluttering over his heart as he pauses to catch his breath.

“Tyler Joseph, you motherfucker.”

“I don’t think I’ve fucked anyone’s mother, actually.” Tyler grins as he spreads his arms wide enough for Mark to barrel into them. Mark’s grip is strong and loving.

“It’s so good to see you, man.”

He lets his chin rest on Mark’s shoulder. “It’s good to see you, too. I got a thing for you from Vegas. Thought you’d like it.” They separate so Tyler can pull the goofy Elvis keychain out of his pocket. Mark snorts as he takes it and lets it dangle from his finger.

“I love it. Can’t believe you went to Vegas without me, though. How was the trip? Everything you could have dreamed of?”

Tyler nods. “Mark, I have to show you something.”

“Alright.” He waves his hand. “After you.”

Tyler leads them to his bedroom at the end of the hallway. His untouched bedroom that looks exactly how he left it. He finds his lips in a half-smile as he picks a couple of dirty shirts up from the floor and tosses them onto his bed before opening the top drawer of his dresser. It takes only a few pairs of socks being shoved to the side to find the tiny black box and his moleskin notebook.

He takes a deep breath to muster up courage before facing Mark with the box in his hands. Slowly, he takes the lid off and looks down at the assortment of razor blades that used to call his name.

Josh quit smoking because of him. Tyler no longer needed this. If he had a temptation, Josh would help him through it.

“I used to, well, y’know.” Mark’s eyes are wide in disbelief. Shock, maybe. He was aware Tyler had some mental problems, but he had no idea about the years of self harm. “I want you to throw these away. Keep them far, far away from me.”

“Okay,” Mark nods, accepting the box from Tyler’s sweaty hands. “Does anyone else know?”

“Josh does. I haven’t done it in a while. Nine months, actually.”

“That’s... good.”

“It is. Thanks for not being weird about it.”

“Yeah, man, no problem. So I guess things with you and Josh are okay, then?”

Tyler sucks on his bottom lip and lets it slide through his teeth. “We’re more than okay. We’re together, actually.”

“Wow, and it only took one trip for you two to realize how fucking perfect you are for one another?” Mark wiggles his eyebrows. Tyler rolls his eyes.

“I think... I think it’s been something in the back of our heads for a while, but we needed something to bring us together, bring us closer, to share that information. I really love him, Mark. I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone the way I love Josh. He makes me feel brave. He makes me feel strong.”

“I’m so glad, Ty. You deserve that, really.” A pause. “How are things with your parents?”

“I haven’t talked to them yet, but I think it’s all gonna work out. I get why they were upset with me. Running away isn’t exactly the best option, but it helped me clear my head and think some things out. Oh, I’m pansexual, by the way. Have you ever heard of that?”

“I think so? But hey man, good for you. Have you and Josh fucked yet?”

“Mark!” Tyler shouts at him as his cheeks turn red. Mark bursts into belly laughter that makes him collapse on Tyler’s bed.

“You have! Y’all fucked so hard!”

“Fuck you, man!” Tyler shakes his head. “Seriously, Mark? Way to kill the mood.”

“I’m sorry, but your face! You should have seen your face!” He wipes away a pretend tear and leans forward. “I just got one more question, okay? Back to being serious. The band, Ty. What’s gonna happen with the band?”

Deep breath. “It’s gonna happen. Josh is gonna help me out. He has a friend who can get him a job at Starbucks, and I’m looking at an application for a restaurant downtown, just to get by until this band thing kicks off. Being a two-piece is gonna be hard, but I think we can do it.”

Mark’s smile simmers down to one of pride. “I knew you wouldn’t give up on your dreams, Joseph.”

Tyler blushes. “It only took me running away to finally figure that out. Josh though, he... we, can do this.”

“I know you can. And I’ll be here every step of the way.” He stands up to pull Tyler into another tight hug. Tyler was thankful for Mark’s loyalty and friendship over the years. He didn’t know what he would have done without him.

“Hello?” Josh’s deep voice echoes through the creaking hallways. “Are you guys done yet? I’m hungry and want pancakes.”

“I could go for some pancakes,” Mark tells Tyler.

“I could too,” Tyler agrees.

 

* * *

 

Josh’s words echo in his ears as they stand backstage for their first performance together, only a month after arriving back home. His hands shake. With only two of them, Tyler had to do some programming and work with technology to create bass lines. Josh promised it would be enough, so Tyler believed him. He just knew that meant they would be heavily relying on stage energy and performance on top of musical talent.

“I’m right here,” he says, his hand latching around Tyler’s wrist. Josh allows his finger to slip underneath the rubber band. “We’ve _got_ this, understand?”

Tyler nods.

He has no anxiety, no fear, not with Josh next to him. His family, his _friends,_ are all out there cheering for him.

For the first time in a long time, Tyler knows they are going to crush it.

 

* * *

 

Mark is the one who throws a house party this time with beer and hard lemonade. Tyler sits on the sofa as people, friends and strangers alike, waltz into the house with intriguing conversations and plenty of praise for Tyler and Twenty One Pilots. There’s a buzz in the air; Tyler is pretty sure this is the first house party he’s been okay with having.

“Fuckin’ awesome show, man,” some guy says as he walks through the living room, raising his six pack of beer above his head in triumph. Tyler grins and shouts “thank you” back as they disappear into the backyard.

And then, there he is. Curly dark hair, white gauges, crinkly eyes and dimples: Joshua. Tyler stands up from the couch, his grin widening as he pulls Josh in for a long, passionate kiss that earns an obnoxious holler from a semi-tipsy Mark.

“Meet me on the roof,” Tyler whispers into his ear, flashing a seductive smile before slipping away in the crowd.

Five minutes later, the boy that held Tyler’s heart climbed out of the window and grabbed Tyler’s hand to hoist himself up onto the shingles. As soon as Josh gets his footing, he leans over to kiss Tyler again, soft and slow. He runs his thumb over Tyler’s bottom lip as they separate.

“Mark says we sold some demos.”

“That’s awesome.”

“I thought so too.” Josh pauses to look at the stars. It’s nearing one in the morning, but the sky has never looked so alive. “Remember when you told me you were starting to believe in fate?”

“I do.”

“I think I might be too.” He smiles. “Every time I look up into the sky, I feel like there’s someone looking out for me, looking out for us. After all, the universe did lead us together. And if everything happens for a reason, then us meeting, the band, the trip, all of it, led us to this moment right here.”

“It’s written in the stars,” Tyler suggests. Josh nods.

“It’s written in the stars in permanent marker. That show, playing with you, it felt so natural.”

“It felt good.”

“It felt like something I could do for the rest of my life.” Josh glances back over at him, catching his gaze. His bruises are gone by this point; all that remains of Josh’s rough past is the crooked break in his nose. “I have something for you.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

Josh nudges him, shoving his iPhone into Tyler’s palm. There, on the screen, made into one, messy collage, are hundreds of pictures of Tyler. He feels himself tearing up a bit at Josh’s sentimentalism.

“It’s the Tyler collage,” he whispers. Josh nods.

“I told you I’d let you see it eventually. I just needed to make sure it was perfect before I posted it anywhere.”

“So you are gonna post on online?”

“I wanted to...” he trails off, takes a deep breath, “I wanted to ask you if we could make us an official thing. Y’know,” his hands fiddle, “go steady.”

“Yes, dude. Of fuckin’ course.” Tyler presses a quick kiss to Josh’s cheek and finds himself laughing out of nerves. “Honestly, ‘Josh, my boyfriend’ sounds a lot better than ‘Josh, my friend that I’m dating.’”

“I have to agree. I think everyone will enjoy the photos I post with the news.” There’s that Josh grin. Tyler holds him tightly. Josh is his. “I wasn’t kidding, though. I really think we could do this music thing forever.” Josh looks back into the stars. He’s trying to see their future, but Tyler doesn’t need to see to know. All that matters is that he, and Josh, are _happy._

Tyler chuckles, turning his gaze towards the sky to match Josh’s. “I have a feeling it’s something we very well could be doing for the rest of our lives.”

A gasp. “Tyler Joseph, is that _positivity_ I am hearing?”

He shoves Josh playfully. “Oh, shut up. Like, I know we’re gonna have highs and lows, but we just gotta ride that wave and take ‘em as they come. After that, once we get our bearings, it’ll be easier. We’ll be used to it.”

“And you think we’ll get to that point?”

“With you by my side, I think anything is possible.” Tyler pauses for a moment to reminisce and ends up sighing. “I remember being so worried about things with Nick and Chris, that when they left, and it was only me, I felt like a failure. You couldn’t be a band with one person. You couldn’t even be a band with two people. But we proved that wrong tonight, didn’t we?”

“We sure as hell did.”

Tyler bites the inside of his cheek as he looks back over the rooftops of the Columbus suburbs. “Maybe someday we will get out of Columbus.”

“I’m pretty sure you told me to kick your ass if you ever said anything like that.”

The corners of his soft mouth tilt upwards. “It’ll always be home, but I still have a thirst for travel. Travel, music, and spreading my words via mouth.”

“You will,” Josh promises, rubbing his back. Tyler leans in to kiss him for probably the thousandth time that night. Even after a month, they are so in love with the feeling of each other’s lips that it is almost impossible to be away. Nothing will ever beat the feeling of Josh’s hands on his hips or the tickle of Josh’s hair on his nose.

Under the pale moonlight, Tyler’s dream is a dream no more. Sure, the band wasn’t huge, but that wasn’t the important part. The important part was that he wasn’t alone.

Josh allows Tyler to rest their foreheads against each other. His breathing is shallow as Tyler plays with his fingers.

Josh has put all his eggs in one basket with the band, their relationship, their friendship. Josh trusts him; Tyler can taste the trust on Josh’s lips.

“I guess it would be pretty cliche to tell you I love you right now, huh?”

“Cliche is okay, Ty. You can tell me you love me all you want and it’ll still feel like it’s the first time.”

Trust is on Tyler’s lips too. “Then I love you.”

“I love you back, in the most cliche way possible. We’ll do this together.” Their fingers fold.

Tyler believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me at pastelxmess on tumblr :-)


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